1 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:51,157 And in spite of all she'd heard. 2 00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:54,472 Sally was quite unprepared for the sight that met her eyes. 3 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:56,403 As she looked out of her tent on this 4 00:01:56,404 --> 00:01:57,997 first morning in Paradise Camp. 5 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:00,826 Everywhere she looked. Happy campers 6 00:02:00,827 --> 00:02:03,200 went about their everyday tasks 7 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:04,839 unencumbered by clothing. 8 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:07,355 Unembarrassed and unashamed. 9 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:10,080 So this was paradise. 10 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:12,550 How beautiful it seemed to her. 11 00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:15,599 How unlike her past holidays in Bournemouth. 12 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:20,789 Suddenly. Sally's shyness and natural timidity vanished, 13 00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:23,714 and forgetting all about her strict convent training, 14 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:27,874 she stepped out from her tent. As naked and free as nature intended. 15 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:28,960 Cor. 16 00:02:28,961 --> 00:02:31,476 That's quite enough of that, thank you. 17 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:32,560 What's the matter? 18 00:02:32,561 --> 00:02:34,314 You told us this film was about camping. 19 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:36,117 It is. Those are tents, aren't they? 20 00:02:36,118 --> 00:02:37,438 Not what you're looking at. 21 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:39,289 If you're going on a camping holiday, it 22 00:02:39,290 --> 00:02:41,230 makes sense to find out what it's all about. 23 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:43,198 A fat lot you're going to learn from this. 24 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:46,034 I'm making a mental note of all the equipment they've got. 25 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:47,839 Yes, especially hers. 26 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,917 Setting out to explore paradise, 27 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:53,231 Sally's first stop was at the tennis court, 28 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:56,996 where four sun-bronzed campers were playing a mixed doubles. 29 00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:00,877 Oh, gorblimey. 30 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,794 You won't see nothing like that at Wimbledon, open or not. 31 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:06,839 If one of those men turn round, I'm walking straight out of here. 32 00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,560 What's the matter, Anth? Don't you like tennis? 33 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,950 I feel sick. 34 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:14,509 I don't blame her. Honestly, I don't know where to look. 35 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:16,114 I do. 36 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:18,476 Close your eyes and I'll tell you when to open them. 37 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:21,837 I don't want to close my eyes. I just want to go. 38 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:23,862 I know just how she feels. It's disgusting, 39 00:03:23,863 --> 00:03:25,231 that's what it is, disgusting. 40 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:27,676 What are you talking about? It's artistic. 41 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:29,319 - Artistic? - Certainly. 42 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:30,999 With all those big bottoms bobbling 43 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:32,199 about all over the screen? 44 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,000 You wouldn't think anything of it if we 45 00:03:34,001 --> 00:03:35,591 walked round like that all the time, 46 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:37,433 free, unfettered, unashamed. 47 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:40,752 Oh, no? I suppose you'd rather be sat here all stark naked? 48 00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:41,959 It wouldn't bother me. 49 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:44,197 It would if your ice lolly fell in your lap. 50 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:46,033 You're a prude. 51 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:48,316 If you don't mind, we're trying to hear back here. 52 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:52,110 Sorry, mate, if I'd known that I'd have spoken a bit louder. 53 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:53,759 In another part of the camp 54 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:55,846 a party of carefree young people were 55 00:03:55,847 --> 00:03:57,800 just starting off on a bicycle ride. 56 00:03:57,880 --> 00:03:59,970 Hey, look, Anth. That fair girl at the 57 00:03:59,971 --> 00:04:02,113 end, she's got a saddle just like mine. 58 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,520 Ooh. 59 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:06,593 That's being unfettered. They don't bother with trouser clips. 60 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,319 While in front of the canteen, 61 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:11,154 a group of men were benefiting from a PT class. 62 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:13,880 Rhythmically bending over to touch their toes. 63 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:15,679 Oh, dear. 64 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:17,319 Oh, my God. 65 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:18,865 That does it. Anthea was right. We 66 00:04:18,866 --> 00:04:20,632 should have gone to The Sound Of Music. 67 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:23,189 - You've seen that before. - I've seen that before, too. 68 00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:24,280 Oh, shut up. 69 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:26,039 Come on, Anthea. Are you coming as well? 70 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:27,795 Wait a minute. Let's see the end. 71 00:04:27,796 --> 00:04:29,750 I've seen enough ends already. Come on. 72 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,431 I suppose we'd better go with 'em, Sid. 73 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,477 Excuse me. 74 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:42,517 It makes you sick. 75 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:44,637 They just don't appreciate culture. 76 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:47,917 And so to the swimming pool. 77 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,993 Where all the prettiest young girls were disporting themselves. 78 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:52,230 Ah. 79 00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:41,237 Hello, darling. 80 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:42,320 Oh, no. 81 00:05:42,321 --> 00:05:44,552 Hello, Peter. I'm checking on the camping gear. 82 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:45,790 So I see. 83 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:47,394 Had a good day? 84 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,039 Oh, not bad. 85 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:51,323 Got drunk at lunch time, then went to a strip 86 00:05:51,324 --> 00:05:53,478 club, then finished off in bed with a popsy. 87 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:56,394 Ah, look, there's a hole in this tent flap. 88 00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:58,472 Yes, the goat ate its way in last year. 89 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:01,439 Oh, yes, I remember. He was after your bedding. 90 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:04,399 Yes, that's right. He even left a deposit on it. 91 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:08,878 Oh, poor Peter. We had a good laugh 92 00:06:08,879 --> 00:06:10,358 about that, though, didn't we? 93 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:11,635 Yes, you did, didn't you? 94 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:15,430 That's what I love about camping. Such fun, always. 95 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:17,000 Did you have a good day? 96 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:18,833 Not bad, no, no. 97 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,151 A chap came into the office with a pound of opium 98 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:23,800 and we smoked it and we spent the afternoon in a harem. 99 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,475 I've been thinking, we ought to try Devon again this year. 100 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:28,552 We had such a marvellous time there last time. 101 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:30,233 I've been thinking, too, darling. 102 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:32,960 That marvellous little camping site near Stoats Hollow. 103 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,839 - Do you remember? - Harriet, please listen to me. 104 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:37,877 I am listening. What a funny thing to say. 105 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:40,236 I've been thinking about this holiday, 106 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:43,870 and I was wondering if possibly, just once, 107 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,680 we might go abroad somewhere. 108 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:48,717 Abroad? 109 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:50,757 Camping? 110 00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:52,797 Oh, nothing so luxurious as that. 111 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:56,635 I thought we might... we might rough it in some four-star hotel. 112 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,677 Oh, no. No, no, no, no. 113 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:00,114 You wouldn't like that. 114 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:02,715 Sleeping in strange beds, eating oily food, 115 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:05,998 and using all those peculiar toilets. 116 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:10,233 The toilets we have to dig out at camp aren't exactly the last word. 117 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:11,879 Oh, but they're all ours. 118 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:16,911 Yes, well, it's just that I think I may be getting too old for it. 119 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,256 Oh, don't be silly, Peter. You mark 120 00:07:22,257 --> 00:07:24,353 my words, you'll die under canvas. 121 00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:25,874 That's what I'm afraid of. 122 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,405 No. You always enjoy your camping 123 00:07:27,406 --> 00:07:29,112 holiday and you're going to have one. 124 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,556 You're tired. Perhaps you had a bad day at the office? 125 00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:33,393 No. No, no, no, no. 126 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,154 I met this chap who'd just come back from camping in Scotland 127 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:38,340 and his wife was ravished by a wild haggis 128 00:07:38,341 --> 00:07:40,439 and now they're expecting a little faggot. 129 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:41,795 Oh. 130 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:43,200 Yes? 131 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:46,273 We mustn't forget to take a good supply of toilet paper this time. 132 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:47,874 You know what happened last year. 133 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:50,429 Yes, we had nothing to write to your mother on. 134 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:21,159 No. No, sir, you mustn't. 135 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:23,197 If you keep on doing that you'll... 136 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:24,280 Oh. 137 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:32,277 Please, sir. 138 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:35,277 Oh, hello. 139 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:38,194 Miss Dobbin, what on earth is the meaning of this? 140 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:42,399 I'm sorry, Mr Short. The gentleman kept touching things. 141 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,821 That's quite right. You see I've been bursting 142 00:08:44,822 --> 00:08:46,713 to know what it's like inside a tent. 143 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:49,474 I see. All right, Miss Dobbin, I'll attend to this customer. 144 00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:51,791 Oh, thank you, sir. 145 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:54,717 Splendid girl, and so helpful. 146 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,520 Do you know, she's been showing me how to stick the pole up. 147 00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,159 Quite. 148 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,709 I take it you're interested in purchasing equipment? 149 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,952 Oh, rather. I've always been interested in camping. 150 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:07,318 But since I've never done it before, I thought 151 00:09:07,319 --> 00:09:09,353 I'd go to the very best place for advice. 152 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:10,954 Quite so, sir, so you came here. 153 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:13,236 Well, yes, you see, the best shop was closed. 154 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:16,124 I assure you, we supply everything essential 155 00:09:16,125 --> 00:09:18,679 for a really successful camping holiday. 156 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:21,719 Oh, but I need everything. 157 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:23,792 Are you going alone, sir? 158 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:26,554 Why? Do you supply that, too? 159 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:29,075 This way, sir, please. 160 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:31,834 Yes, of course. 161 00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:35,231 - Sid, let's get back to work. - Oh, come on. 162 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:37,630 We're only going to ask where this Paradise Camp is. 163 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,235 But they'll know it's nudist and it'll be embarrassing. 164 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:41,515 What are you talking about? 165 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:44,091 Like going into a chemist's for something, finding 166 00:09:44,092 --> 00:09:46,436 a girl serving, and coming out with toothpaste. 167 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:48,100 I wondered what you were doing with 168 00:09:48,101 --> 00:09:49,592 all those tubes in your cupboard. 169 00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:51,728 No. It's not that. Besides, you'll never get 170 00:09:51,729 --> 00:09:53,640 Joan and Anth to go to a place like that. 171 00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:55,542 How long have we been taking them out? 172 00:09:55,543 --> 00:09:56,543 About three months. 173 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:58,956 - And where's it got us? - I've kissed Anth. 174 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:00,695 What did that lead to? She was sick. 175 00:10:00,696 --> 00:10:02,477 Because I'd been eating pickled onions. 176 00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,756 We're lumbered with two birds with prohibitions. 177 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:06,115 You mean "inhibitions". 178 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,431 I mean "prohibitions". They just won't allow us. 179 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:11,080 All the same, you can't take them to a place like that. 180 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:13,392 If we can get those two birds to Paradise 181 00:10:13,393 --> 00:10:15,518 Camp, all that freedom, back to nature, 182 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:17,751 do you think they can keep on holding out? Never. 183 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:19,459 How will you get 'em to go there? 184 00:10:19,460 --> 00:10:20,674 Don't tell 'em. Come on. 185 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:24,549 No. Hold on a minute. I can't go to a nudist place. 186 00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:27,758 - Why not? Other people do. - Maybe, but not people like us. 187 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:29,797 Have we got three legs or something? 188 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:31,837 It's not that. 189 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:33,687 When I'm on holiday, I like to relax. 190 00:10:33,688 --> 00:10:34,688 So? 191 00:10:34,689 --> 00:10:37,239 And when I relax, I like to put my hands in my pockets. 192 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:38,929 You can relax with your hands behind 193 00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,711 your back. Prince Philip does all right. 194 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,076 - Not with nothing on, he doesn't. - How do you know? 195 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,272 You make it sound like it was something 196 00:10:45,273 --> 00:10:47,120 shameful to go into a nudist camp. 197 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:50,034 It's the most healthy, natural thing in the world. 198 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:51,873 Can I help you, sir? 199 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:53,860 Yes, as a matter of fact, my mate and 200 00:10:53,861 --> 00:10:55,510 I were wondering if you could... 201 00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:57,398 Yes? 202 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:00,437 Well, we were looking for... 203 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:02,637 Yes? 204 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:05,189 Er, a tube of toothpaste, please. 205 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:06,919 We don't sell toothpaste, sir. 206 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:10,274 Aspirins? 207 00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:14,517 I'll take one of these, then. 208 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,557 See? 209 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,111 Here. That's it. 210 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,157 That's it. 211 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:23,674 Come on. 212 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:38,318 Go on, hit her. 213 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,314 Go on. 214 00:11:56,400 --> 00:12:00,519 I'll teach you to call me a cow, you old bitch. 215 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:04,397 Look out, the Head's coming. 216 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:06,437 Oh. 217 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,197 Stand up, girls. 218 00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,437 Good evening, Miss Haggard. 219 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:28,477 Carry on, girls. 220 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,475 Come in. 221 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:50,036 Ah, Matron, what can I do for you? 222 00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:51,969 I'm sorry to trouble you, Dr Soaper, but 223 00:12:51,970 --> 00:12:53,909 I've been thinking about this camping trip 224 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,435 for the girls that remain with us during the holidays. 225 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:57,520 What about it? 226 00:12:57,560 --> 00:13:00,314 I was wondering whether it really was such a good idea. 227 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,392 Perhaps you're forgetting, it was my idea. 228 00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:05,837 Oh, no, no. And, of course, it is an absolutely splendid one. 229 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:07,877 - But... - But what? 230 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:10,064 Well, I was wondering whether perhaps 231 00:13:10,065 --> 00:13:12,113 they might find it a trifle Spartan. 232 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:15,432 I mean, their being such delicate and refined girls. 233 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:27,556 Ooh-ooh. Usual place, boys, in five minutes. 234 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,966 The point I'm really trying to make is that 235 00:13:30,967 --> 00:13:33,989 here I can keep full control over them, 236 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,117 but, outside, anything might happen. 237 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:39,750 You seem to be forgetting, Miss Haggard, you're coming with us. 238 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:42,275 Surely you and I together can keep suitable control? 239 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:44,636 Well, I was thinking about the girls. 240 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:46,393 So am I. 241 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:50,997 Oh. But don't you see? It raises the problem of sex. 242 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,711 I assure you, Matron, I wouldn't 243 00:13:52,712 --> 00:13:54,596 dream of bothering you in that way. 244 00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:56,617 I meant, with the girls. They're 245 00:13:56,618 --> 00:13:59,038 liable to come into contact with boys. 246 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:01,840 Oh, yes, but I don't think that'll be a problem. 247 00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:04,174 It's been my experience that once young 248 00:14:04,175 --> 00:14:06,597 people sample the delights of country life 249 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,637 and the wonders of nature, 250 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:10,951 oh, they just can't get enough of it. 251 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,838 - Exactly. - I was thinking of the girls. 252 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,877 - So was I. - Exactly. 253 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:17,111 Well, I do hope you're right, Dr Soaper. 254 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,157 Oh, yes, yes, I assure you, Matron. 255 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:21,277 But I take the point you made earlier. 256 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:24,000 Yes, these girls have led very sheltered lives. 257 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,912 They don't even know what boys are. 258 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:34,234 I suggest you give them a little talk on 259 00:14:34,235 --> 00:14:36,194 the subject. Nothing too frightening. 260 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,351 Just stick to the birds and the bees, 261 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:41,512 with a possible reference to the behaviour of monkeys. 262 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:44,240 - Well, I'll try, Dr Soaper. - Good. Good. 263 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:46,869 And if any of them feel any unnatural urges, 264 00:14:46,870 --> 00:14:49,475 or the desire to do something they shouldn't, 265 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:51,119 send them straight to me. 266 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:52,554 - You? - Yes. 267 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:54,646 Well, I was thinking about the girls. 268 00:14:54,647 --> 00:14:55,647 So was I. 269 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:02,432 Oh, you're not wearing that. 270 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:04,079 - What? - That hat. 271 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:06,117 Oh, sorry, dear. Force of habit. 272 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:15,119 Ah, that's the ticket. 273 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,157 Come on. Let's get our packs on. 274 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:20,517 And off we go. 275 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:23,517 There. How do I look? 276 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:26,354 Like an old mailbag filled with unwanted parcels. 277 00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:29,672 - Splendid. Shall I drive? - Why not? You always do. 278 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:31,717 Good. Come on. Let's go. 279 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,620 Don't forget, not a word to the girls about 280 00:16:01,621 --> 00:16:03,515 where we're going. It's a mystery holiday. 281 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:05,912 They'll find out the minute we get there. 282 00:16:05,913 --> 00:16:07,435 It'll be too late by then. 283 00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:09,477 We must just act as surprised as they are. 284 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:11,313 I won't need to act. 285 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:12,880 - Sid... - Yes? 286 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:14,836 Will we have to take all our clothes 287 00:16:14,837 --> 00:16:16,510 off? Can't we keep something on? 288 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,557 Don't worry. I've thought of that. 289 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:21,235 Ha-ha-ha. 290 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:24,515 Go on. Finish it up. You're not going 291 00:16:24,516 --> 00:16:26,640 anywhere without a good breakfast inside you. 292 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:29,474 - I am finishing it up, Mum. - More bacon and tomatoes, Anthea? 293 00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:31,074 No, thank you, Mrs Fussey, I had 294 00:16:31,075 --> 00:16:32,871 coffee and toast before I left home. 295 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:35,634 You won't get a proper lunch, not if I know those two. 296 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:37,677 They're only after one thing, they are. 297 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:40,958 For heaven's sake, Mum, we know how to look after ourselves. 298 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:42,997 Oh, yes? 33 and still not married. 299 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,834 If that's not taking care of yourself, I don't know what is. 300 00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:47,479 I'm playing hard to get with Sid. 301 00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:50,797 - What's the matter with you? - I choked. 302 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:53,475 You saved me the trouble. 303 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:56,234 The way you talk, you'd think I didn't want to get married. 304 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:59,392 I know what you want... I also know what Sid wants. 305 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:00,675 What's that? 306 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:02,602 Since you asked me to put it into words, 307 00:17:02,603 --> 00:17:04,310 he wants to eat his cake and have it. 308 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:05,926 And he's going the right way about 309 00:17:05,927 --> 00:17:07,632 it, taking you on a camping holiday. 310 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:09,502 Look, Mum, I know Sid's been around, but 311 00:17:09,503 --> 00:17:11,111 he's not going to find me easy meat. 312 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:12,395 Me neither. 313 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:13,960 Well, you're not even meat. 314 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:15,269 Bernie's nice, though. 315 00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:17,397 He is if you get him away from that Sid. 316 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:19,759 He's a bad influence on him, if you ask me. 317 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:20,760 We aren't. 318 00:17:20,761 --> 00:17:23,115 I think you're making it too easy for them going camping. 319 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,159 I wish you wouldn't treat Sid as if you hated his guts. 320 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:28,197 But I do. That's just it, I do. 321 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:31,318 I know. And you're not making it any easier for me, either. 322 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,393 It's all going to be quite proper and above board, I can assure you. 323 00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:36,233 Sid's got two tents for us. 324 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:38,960 Yes, and I know what happens to people once they get in them. 325 00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:41,316 I went with your father once and he went berserk. 326 00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:43,290 After that experience, I'd never have 327 00:17:43,291 --> 00:17:45,030 married him... if I hadn't had to. 328 00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:46,998 Oh, do shut up, Mum. 329 00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:48,639 Oh, here they are. 330 00:17:49,989 --> 00:17:50,989 All set? 331 00:17:50,990 --> 00:17:52,875 Yes. Give us a hand with the baggage, will you? 332 00:17:52,884 --> 00:17:53,884 Anthea get here ok? 333 00:17:53,885 --> 00:17:55,600 Yes, she's just finished breakfast. 334 00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:56,680 Morning, Mrs Fussey. 335 00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:58,677 - Hello. - Hello. 336 00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:00,707 Blimey, we're not emigrating, you know. 337 00:18:00,708 --> 00:18:01,912 Oh, it's only clothes. 338 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,469 Oh, you won't need clothes where we're going. 339 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,917 What do you mean, we won't need clothes? 340 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,114 He means, you won't need a lot of clothes. 341 00:18:12,115 --> 00:18:13,835 Just a pair of shorts, swimsuit... 342 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:15,885 Oh, no. I'm not having her go without plenty 343 00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:17,675 of woollies. Not with her funny kidneys. 344 00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:20,070 Oh, Mum, there's nothing wrong with my kidneys. 345 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:23,358 You know a chill goes straight to 'em. Just like your father. 346 00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:24,804 Always on the trot, he was. 347 00:18:24,805 --> 00:18:26,592 Oh, give over, for heaven's sake. 348 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:28,433 They can run around half-naked, 349 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:30,165 but you're keeping woollies next to 350 00:18:30,166 --> 00:18:31,718 your essentials and that's final. 351 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,554 All right, Mrs Fussey, we'll get it all on somehow. 352 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,403 I'm sorry if I've brought too much, but 353 00:18:36,404 --> 00:18:38,077 I have to keep covered up in the sun. 354 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:40,197 That's right. Anthea's got a funny skin. 355 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:42,112 Get away. 356 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:49,667 What with her funny skin and Joan's funny 357 00:18:49,668 --> 00:18:51,800 kidneys, it's going to be a hilarious holiday. 358 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,458 If she can't take her clothes off in the sun... 359 00:18:54,459 --> 00:18:55,954 Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. 360 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:02,309 And don't go drinking none of that well water. 361 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,596 You never know what people have done down wells. 362 00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:06,034 Yes, all right, Mum. 363 00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:07,933 And go easy on the tinned food. You don't 364 00:19:07,934 --> 00:19:09,875 want any trouble, not with your funny tummy. 365 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,429 Funny tummy, too? You ought to be on the telly. 366 00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:14,437 She can't help having sensitive parts. 367 00:19:14,438 --> 00:19:16,400 For goodness' sake, can't we get going? 368 00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:18,392 Nearly ready. You get in. 369 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:20,306 Anthea, have you taken your tablet? 370 00:19:20,307 --> 00:19:21,307 Yes. 371 00:19:21,308 --> 00:19:23,151 - Tablet? - Yes, Anthea gets carsick. 372 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:26,233 What? A big, strong, healthy girl like her? Never. 373 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,277 Come on, then. 374 00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:31,025 And don't forget, if you have to use any strange 375 00:19:31,026 --> 00:19:33,310 whatsits, put plenty of paper down first. 376 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,357 Oh, isn't it awful? 377 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,080 - Come on, let's get cracking. - That should hold all right. 378 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:40,117 Yeah, that's it. Ta-ta, Mrs Fussey. 379 00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:46,953 - Just a minute. - Yes? 380 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,179 I just wanted to warn you, I don't want to hear 381 00:19:49,180 --> 00:19:51,273 of any unnecessariness when my Joan gets back. 382 00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:53,317 - Unnecessariness? - You know what I mean. 383 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,040 What makes you think that's unnecessary? 384 00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:57,679 It's no laughing matter. 385 00:19:57,760 --> 00:19:59,631 They might think your intentions are 386 00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:01,754 honourable, but I've got sore misgivings. 387 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:03,877 You want to put some talcum powder on 'em. 388 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:05,360 Very funny. 389 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:07,113 You stick to your own tents. 390 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:08,680 Oh, Mum, really. 391 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:10,717 It's not as if she's got a ring on her finger. 392 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,235 She hasn't got one through her nose, either. 393 00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:15,835 Oh, come on. Let's get going, for goodness' sake. 394 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,160 Oh, my Gawd. 395 00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:25,780 Three large tents for the girls, one for me, 396 00:20:25,781 --> 00:20:28,559 one for Miss Haggard, and bunks and bedding... 397 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,109 All the bunks and bedding in here. 398 00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:36,918 Get a load of that. Whoa-ho. 399 00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:43,314 Good morning, Dr Soaper. Are we all loaded? 400 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:44,959 Not half. 401 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,680 - Oh, is that our driver? - Yes. Mr Tanner. 402 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:49,240 You can call me Jim. 403 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:52,757 Hello, Jim. Are you going to stay with us all the time? 404 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:54,911 Oh, yeah. I go all the way. 405 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:56,957 Ooh, I bet you do. 406 00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,236 That'll do. All right, girls, get in the coach. 407 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:00,515 You get on with the loading. 408 00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:02,179 Barbara, dear, do you think you're 409 00:21:02,180 --> 00:21:04,037 quite suitably dressed for travelling? 410 00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:06,680 But, sir, we were told to bring the minimum of clothing. 411 00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:09,275 Yes, but in your baggage, not on your person. 412 00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:12,512 Oh, it's all right. I've got a minimum in my baggage, too. 413 00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:15,339 So I see, but I don't think it's proper for a 414 00:21:15,340 --> 00:21:17,959 young lady to show her legs to that extent. 415 00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:20,350 - What extent? - They go up too far. 416 00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,357 My legs? They only go up to my... 417 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,397 - To your shorts. - Oh, yes. 418 00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:31,317 Quite a rear-wheel drive? 419 00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,357 Yes, fascinating the way it... 420 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:35,955 What? Absolutely disgusting. 421 00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:38,555 I can't think what Matron had in mind when she allowed it. 422 00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:40,472 I shall certainly speak to her when... 423 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:43,516 Good morning, Dr Soaper. 424 00:21:43,517 --> 00:21:45,512 Miss Haggard, I really must protest... 425 00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,917 Something wrong, Dr Soaper? 426 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,993 Ah, no, Matron, nothing. Nothing at all. 427 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:06,151 How are you feeling now, Anth? Better? 428 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:08,197 - Yeah. - That's it. 429 00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:11,398 You should never have had those bacon and tomatoes for breakfast. 430 00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:13,153 - Oh... - Oh, look, now you've done it. 431 00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:14,594 Me? What have I done? 432 00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,195 Why did you have to bring up bacon and tomatoes again? 433 00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:19,033 - I didn't. She did. - Oh, dear. 434 00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:20,554 I'm not stopping again. 435 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:23,519 Don't be so heartless. She can't help feeling sick. 436 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,717 She's always like this on long distances. 437 00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:28,872 Long distances? She was off before we reached the end of your road. 438 00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:30,917 You'd better do something quick. 439 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,959 - A paper bag. That's the answer. - I know, put it over her head. 440 00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:36,191 - Try those. - She'll never get it in that. 441 00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:39,159 It's to sniff at, you fool. Smelling salts. 442 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:41,197 - Quick. - Cor. 443 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:46,130 Great smelling salts, that. What is 444 00:22:46,131 --> 00:22:48,193 it? Essence of bacon and tomato? 445 00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:52,991 Oh, Sid, it's no good. We'll have to find a place. 446 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,595 We're in the blooming country. There aren't any places. 447 00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:58,195 Well, she'll have to go behind a hedge. Stop the car. 448 00:22:58,280 --> 00:22:59,396 Oh... 449 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:08,999 Da-da, da 450 00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:11,640 Da-da-da-da 451 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:16,399 I say, look what's in front of you. 452 00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:18,874 I am looking. 453 00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:22,997 What a ghastly sight. 454 00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:25,800 You can say that again. 455 00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:29,476 Keep off the road. Keep off the road. 456 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:31,517 Why? What have you done, madam? 457 00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:44,477 - Hello. - Hello. 458 00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:47,519 I wonder if you could help me. Am I on the right road to Salisbury? 459 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:49,357 Yes, but it's quicker if you go through 460 00:23:49,358 --> 00:23:50,718 the fence and cross the plain. 461 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:52,757 Oh, thank you very much. 462 00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:56,954 What's a nice girl like you doing with an old cow? 463 00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:58,655 I'm taking her to the bull. 464 00:23:58,656 --> 00:24:00,716 Oh. Couldn't your father do that? 465 00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:02,757 No, it has to be the bull. 466 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:04,797 It has to be the... 467 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:08,751 All right, now pay attention, girls. 468 00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:11,878 Owing to our rather prolonged stay at Stonehenge, 469 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,634 I've arranged for us to stay the night at a hostel, 470 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:17,554 and then go on to the camp site tomorrow morning. 471 00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:18,640 Any questions? 472 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:20,433 Go on, Babs, I dare you. 473 00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:22,239 Yes, please, Dr Soaper. 474 00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:24,630 What is it, Barbara, dear? 475 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:29,351 Please, sir, at Stonehenge, I heard an American gentleman say 476 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:31,193 that all those stones were to do with 477 00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:32,953 fertility rites. 478 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:34,394 What are they? 479 00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:37,279 Ah, fertility rites, yes. 480 00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:39,158 Well, that's easily explained, my dear. 481 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:44,076 You see, in those days, there were very few cattle and horses about, 482 00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:47,676 and men had to purchase the right to gather the fertiliser, 483 00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:50,753 hence the term "fertility rites". 484 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:52,399 Oh, I see. 485 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:54,237 Aren't I silly? I thought it was 486 00:24:54,238 --> 00:24:56,269 something to do with having babies. 487 00:24:56,360 --> 00:24:58,317 Now, rest period. 488 00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:02,553 A fine talk you must have given them on the birds and the bees. 489 00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:05,872 Well, I'm sorry, Doctor, but when I started talking about them, 490 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:09,397 I suddenly realised I hadn't the foggiest idea what they did. 491 00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:11,437 Well, what do they do? 492 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:13,477 Bees sting. Psst. 493 00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:23,354 We'll have a quick nosh-up, then we'll get the tent up. 494 00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:25,397 I think this is a lousy spot to pick. 495 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,437 Perfect, isn't it? 496 00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:29,273 Just smell that air. 497 00:25:29,360 --> 00:25:31,317 - Ah. - Something up? 498 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,359 Oh, just a thistle, that's all. 499 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:38,399 Oh, poor Peter, you're always in trouble. 500 00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:40,597 Here, have a hard-boiled egg to get on with. 501 00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:43,559 Oh, isn't this wonderful? 502 00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:47,270 So much better than dirty, stuffy old London. 503 00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:49,829 Funny thing about dirty, stuffy old London, 504 00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:51,997 I can walk for miles without ever getting 505 00:25:51,998 --> 00:25:54,073 bitten, stung or stepping into something. 506 00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:56,117 That's more than I can say for the country. 507 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,480 What was that? 508 00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:04,280 Only a cow. Look, it's over there. 509 00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:07,319 Are you absolutely sure that's a cow? 510 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:08,999 Of course I'm sure. I should know, I 511 00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:10,598 used to milk them when I was little. 512 00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:13,195 I wouldn't try milking that one. It's only got one tap. 513 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:19,711 Oh, yes, I believe that is a bull. Fancy that. 514 00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:22,156 No, I don't. Not in the least. 515 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:23,866 You don't have to worry about them. 516 00:26:23,867 --> 00:26:25,312 They only go for something red. 517 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:30,399 - Ooh. - Perhaps we'd better move. 518 00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:33,234 I'll open the gate. You bring the things. 519 00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:34,993 Come on. 520 00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:40,840 Hurry, Peter. 521 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:42,877 Hurry. 522 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:46,836 Ah. 523 00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:48,877 Oh. 524 00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:51,031 Peter. 525 00:26:51,120 --> 00:26:53,077 Peter, darling. 526 00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:55,117 Are you all right? 527 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:57,157 Fine. Fine. 528 00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:01,317 Would you pass the salt, please? 529 00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:04,599 Peter. Peter. 530 00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:13,557 Oh. 531 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:20,517 Look, you said we'd be there by five. It's nearly six. 532 00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:23,957 I was reckoning without your friend Miss Throw-Up 1969. 533 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:26,191 According to the map, we should be quite close. 534 00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:28,272 Close to what? Where are we heading for? 535 00:27:28,360 --> 00:27:30,431 - Paradi... - Joan. 536 00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:32,477 Coming. 537 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:50,673 I knew I shouldn't have eaten those radishes. 538 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,981 I say, Peter, do you remember, we 539 00:27:54,982 --> 00:27:58,032 stayed overnight in this spot before? 540 00:27:58,120 --> 00:28:00,715 When I got bitten in the middle of the night. 541 00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,679 That's right. By a mosquito, wasn't it? 542 00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:05,513 Well, it wasn't you. 543 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:09,230 They always seem to fancy you. What you need is a repellent. 544 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:12,472 Thanks. I married one. 545 00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:14,517 We could do with some milk. 546 00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:17,752 There's a farm round here where we got some before. 547 00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:21,197 - Where I got some before. - No, I'm wrong. 548 00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:24,084 I remember, you went by yourself and on 549 00:28:24,085 --> 00:28:26,958 the way back you fell into a silage pit. 550 00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:32,911 Oh, we have had some fun, haven't we? 551 00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,117 Yeah. 552 00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:39,157 I'll get the milk. 553 00:29:03,568 --> 00:29:04,568 Yes? 554 00:29:04,569 --> 00:29:06,992 Hello. I've had a spot of bother with my tent 555 00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:09,914 and I wondered whether you could let me have a room for the night. 556 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,482 Did you? I suppose you want me to say, "Yes, 557 00:29:12,483 --> 00:29:15,075 but you'll have to share it with my daughter"? 558 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:18,039 I expect you've heard that one about the traveller, 559 00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:19,327 who stopped at the... 560 00:29:19,328 --> 00:29:22,160 I've not only heard it, I've had it. Come in here. 561 00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:26,234 Here, girl. Is this the one as is responsible? 562 00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:29,711 What? That? You must be joking. 563 00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:32,315 Have you ever been with my daughter before? 564 00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:34,869 Actually, no. But if the offer still holds... 565 00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:36,155 Never mind. Just get out 566 00:29:36,174 --> 00:29:37,174 and don't come back. 567 00:29:37,175 --> 00:29:38,914 Ok, I'm sorry to have knocked you up. 568 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:40,832 Is that meant to be funny? 569 00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:41,920 No, why? 570 00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:44,475 Because it was a tramp like you that got her into trouble. 571 00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:46,686 Oh, you don't say. Nothing serious, I hope? 572 00:29:46,687 --> 00:29:48,630 Get out. Get out. 573 00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:51,554 Unless you want my twelve-bore up your backside. 574 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:54,997 Father, you can't go on attacking every man that comes here. 575 00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:58,551 Just give me his name. That's all I want out of you, his name. 576 00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:01,519 I can't. I never knew his name. 577 00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:03,990 All that money I spent on a posh education, 578 00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:06,037 trying to make a lady out of you. 579 00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:08,323 And you haven't even got the manners to 580 00:30:08,324 --> 00:30:10,637 ask, "With who am I having the pleasure?" 581 00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:24,913 Good evening, sir. 582 00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:26,980 I was wondering if I could have some milk? 583 00:30:26,981 --> 00:30:27,981 Milk, is it? 584 00:30:27,982 --> 00:30:30,280 Yes. I came here once before, you know. 585 00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:32,477 Oh, you did? 586 00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:34,517 Yes, but you weren't here, though. 587 00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:37,638 Just a young lady, and she gave me a bit. 588 00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:40,599 Oh, she did, did she? 589 00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:43,149 Yes. And it was very nice, too. 590 00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,391 That's why I've come back for some more. 591 00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:47,676 By gum, you've got a nerve. 592 00:30:47,760 --> 00:30:49,911 Oh, don't misunderstand me, please. 593 00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:52,196 I'm quite willing to pay for it this time. 594 00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:53,953 I'll kill you. 595 00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:05,917 Ha, bull's-eye. 596 00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:09,237 Da-da-da 597 00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:11,277 Da-da-da... 598 00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:15,317 Peter, what's the matter with you? 599 00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:18,632 Nothing. Why? I've been shot in the backside, that's all. 600 00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:20,552 You've, er... What? 601 00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:22,597 Shot. 602 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:25,115 - Where? - In the backside. 603 00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:28,517 Much? 604 00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:30,432 Have a look, will you? 605 00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:40,033 It must be around here somewhere. 606 00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:42,760 Look, why don't we just stop anywhere and put the tents up? 607 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:44,512 You can't just stop anywhere. You've 608 00:31:44,513 --> 00:31:45,912 got to have proper facilities. 609 00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:48,071 We've managed without facilities all day. 610 00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:50,231 How's queasy chops? 611 00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,009 She's having a whale of a time. You've 612 00:31:52,010 --> 00:31:53,438 only to look at her to see that. 613 00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:55,079 He only asked. 614 00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:56,719 Look. 615 00:31:58,648 --> 00:31:59,648 That's it. 616 00:31:59,649 --> 00:32:02,072 Paradise? Where have I heard that before? 617 00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:04,516 It must have been in church. 618 00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:06,364 No, it wasn't that. Oh, is this the 619 00:32:06,365 --> 00:32:08,276 special place you've been looking for? 620 00:32:08,279 --> 00:32:09,279 That's right. 621 00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:12,036 No, nothing special. But we'll try it if you like. 622 00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:15,557 - But, Sid, this is the place... - Don't be so selfish, Bernie. 623 00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:18,314 Think of the poor girls. They've had enough for one day. 624 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:19,914 We'll take a chance, shall we? 625 00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:45,597 - Are you the owner of this site? - No. 626 00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:47,831 - Where is he? - Gone for a pee. 627 00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:49,877 Here he comes now. 628 00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:58,117 Excuse me. 629 00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:00,669 Yes. Can I help you? 630 00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:02,911 Yes. We'd like to camp here. Who do we have to see? 631 00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:04,957 Me. I'm the owner. Josh Fiddler. 632 00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:06,520 Oh, how do you do, Mr Fiddler? 633 00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:08,353 - I'm Boggle. This is Mr Lugg. - Hello. 634 00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:11,274 - You're not members, then? - Do you have to be members? 635 00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:14,194 I'm afraid so. I'm trying to keep this place select. 636 00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:16,435 It's not like some of these camp sites, 637 00:33:16,436 --> 00:33:18,752 it's more what you might call a show-place. 638 00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:20,752 We know all about that, don't we? 639 00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:22,433 How much is it to be a member, then? 640 00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:24,557 - A pound. - A pound. All right, then. 641 00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:27,239 Per person. 642 00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:28,913 Each? But there's four of us. 643 00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:32,471 Bernie, it's all right. We don't want to argue with Mr Fiddler. 644 00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:35,553 Two, three, four. 645 00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:37,597 That's correct. 646 00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:39,689 Now, then, gentlemen, your members' cards. 647 00:33:39,690 --> 00:33:41,117 Thank you. Shall we go, then? 648 00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:42,990 Any time you want to book in, show them. 649 00:33:42,991 --> 00:33:44,238 But we want to come in now. 650 00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:46,198 Now? But you haven't booked, have you? 651 00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:48,317 Booked? Don't tell me you're full up. 652 00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:50,609 Well, I might be able to squeeze you in, 653 00:33:50,610 --> 00:33:52,872 but you should have paid the booking fee. 654 00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:54,713 Booking fee. Which is? 655 00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:56,553 - A pound. - A pound. 656 00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:58,597 Per tent. 657 00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:00,637 Two tents, two pounds. 658 00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:03,030 - Now can we come in? - As soon as you've paid the rent. 659 00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:04,440 - Rent? - In advance. 660 00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:06,318 But you've had six quid out of us already. 661 00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:08,357 Bernie. It's all right, Bernie. 662 00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:10,288 What about the rent, then, Mr Fiddler? 663 00:34:10,289 --> 00:34:11,911 Well, my usual charge per week... 664 00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:13,957 - Yes, yes, which is? - A pound. 665 00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:15,997 A pound. I knew it. 666 00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:18,037 Per tent? 667 00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:20,954 Or per person. Whichever's the greater. 668 00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:22,759 I don't know if anybody ever told you, 669 00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:24,819 but your name certainly suits you. 670 00:34:24,820 --> 00:34:25,820 Thank you. 671 00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:28,992 Now can we come in? 672 00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:30,548 Well, there is just one more thing. 673 00:34:30,549 --> 00:34:31,549 What? 674 00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:34,557 Welcome to Paradise. 675 00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:36,836 Bernie, we're in. 676 00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:38,877 Do we strip off now? 677 00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:40,335 Do we take our clothes off now? 678 00:34:40,336 --> 00:34:41,919 Oh, no, there's no hurry for that. 679 00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:44,469 Let's have a good look round first, see what the form is. 680 00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:46,234 But if they're stripped off and we go 681 00:34:46,235 --> 00:34:47,997 in fully dressed, everybody will stare. 682 00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:50,720 We can't start now. They'll get suspicious. 683 00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:55,919 We're lucky. We managed to get in. 684 00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:59,357 Then you can just turn round and manage to get out again. 685 00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:02,877 - What are you talking about? - You heard me, you filthy beast. 686 00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:05,475 Filthy beast? What have I done now? 687 00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:08,200 Look, don't you come the innocent with me, Sid Boggle. 688 00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:09,680 It's a good job Anthea woke up. 689 00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:11,606 She remembers Paradise. It was in that 690 00:35:11,607 --> 00:35:13,310 disgusting film you took us to see. 691 00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:15,437 Oh, is that what that camp was called? 692 00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:18,080 There's a coincidence, Bern? 693 00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:19,674 Yeah. 694 00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:22,070 - I want to go home. - Don't worry, dear. We're going. 695 00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:24,629 We're not staying here to flaunt our persons in public. 696 00:35:24,720 --> 00:35:27,792 It has cost us ten nicker to get in here, and in we are going. 697 00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:29,678 Don't look, Anthea. 698 00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:49,117 Oh, it's all right, Anthea, you can look. 699 00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:51,078 It's really rather nice. 700 00:35:52,720 --> 00:35:54,677 Oh, yes, it's lovely. 701 00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:57,116 Come on. Let's get out and put the tents up, shall we? 702 00:35:57,200 --> 00:36:00,159 You stay where you are. We're not stopping in this lousy dump. 703 00:36:00,240 --> 00:36:01,435 What? 704 00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:06,635 - Is this it, then? - Ah, yes. 705 00:36:06,720 --> 00:36:09,679 Ablutions hut, toilet hut, camp shop. 706 00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:11,513 It doesn't seem very full, does it? 707 00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:14,098 You're lucky. I had a couple of cancellations. 708 00:36:14,099 --> 00:36:16,277 That's why I was able to squeeze you in. 709 00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:18,317 Well, before you start squeezing, 710 00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:21,518 why are these people all sitting around with their clothes on? 711 00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:23,594 Well, it's a camp rule. "All visitors 712 00:36:23,595 --> 00:36:25,116 will be respectfully dressed 713 00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:27,920 - at all times." - At all times? 714 00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:31,152 Of course. I can't have people walking round here naked. 715 00:36:31,240 --> 00:36:32,980 I've got my hens to think of. It doesn't 716 00:36:32,981 --> 00:36:34,677 take much to put them off their laying. 717 00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:36,592 And it doesn't take much to put me off mine. 718 00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:38,876 We've come to the wrong place. We can't stay here. 719 00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:39,960 Please yourself. 720 00:36:39,961 --> 00:36:41,555 So if you'll just give me the money... 721 00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:45,190 I'm very sorry. It's a camp rule. No monies returnable. 722 00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:46,509 If you don't give me it... 723 00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:47,769 What's all the fuss? 724 00:36:47,770 --> 00:36:50,480 I was just saying you girls don't want to stay. 725 00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:52,358 That was before we saw it. It's lovely. 726 00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:54,113 Yes. Lovely. 727 00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:55,714 That's all right, then, isn't it? 728 00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:57,632 Yes. Lovely. 729 00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:02,397 I wouldn't take too long putting your tents up. 730 00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:04,915 It wouldn't surprise me if we didn't have some rain. 731 00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:08,879 You had to open your big mouth. 732 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:10,394 Oh. 733 00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:13,234 You two get in the car and me and Sid'll put them up. 734 00:37:23,240 --> 00:37:26,278 Hurry up, girls. Come along now. Pick up your baggage. 735 00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:32,079 Well, here we are, girls. Welcome to Balsworth Youth Hostel. 736 00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:36,677 Corridor E. Rooms 15 to 22. All the girls will have to share. 737 00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:39,434 Not you, of course, Matron. You'll be in Room 19. 738 00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:41,591 - Thank you very much, Dr Soaper. - Not at all. 739 00:37:41,680 --> 00:37:43,637 I'm sure no one will disturb you. 740 00:37:43,720 --> 00:37:47,157 Yes, come along, girls. Hurry up. All pair off. 741 00:37:47,240 --> 00:37:49,471 Each girl make a pair. All make a pair. 742 00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:51,517 That's right. 743 00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:53,557 What's the matter, Sally? 744 00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:55,791 Please, sir, I don't seem to have a pair. 745 00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:57,951 I wouldn't say that, dear. 746 00:37:58,040 --> 00:37:59,520 You see, there's 11 of us. 747 00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:02,593 Yes, that's true. I hadn't thought of that. That is most awkward. 748 00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:03,875 She can have my room. 749 00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:05,599 I beg your pardon? 750 00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:08,149 Well, I'm on my own. She can have it if she wants. 751 00:38:08,240 --> 00:38:11,870 Oh, yes, I suppose that would appear to be the only solution. 752 00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:13,713 All right, Sally, you take Room 17. 753 00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:15,871 Yes, sir. Thank you. 754 00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:17,917 That's all right. Any time. 755 00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:19,957 Yes, all right. Come along, dear. 756 00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:22,271 You'll be sharing with me. Room 16. 757 00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:30,125 Oh. Mind where you're putting that. 758 00:38:30,126 --> 00:38:32,076 - Sorry. - Give me a peg. 759 00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:34,117 Peg... 760 00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:35,998 Here you are. 761 00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:39,917 All right. Bang it in. 762 00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:41,957 - Ah. - Sorry. 763 00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:43,997 What's the matter with you? 764 00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:51,517 Ah. Oh. 765 00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:02,872 Oh, hold still a minute, Peter, please. 766 00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:05,794 Ah. That's better. 767 00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:07,633 Oh, got it. 768 00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:12,631 - Is that the lot? - No. Just one more. 769 00:39:12,720 --> 00:39:14,473 Now, hold still. 770 00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:16,119 That's it. 771 00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:19,357 - Ooh... - There. 772 00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:21,433 That's better. Now, get your clothes 773 00:39:21,434 --> 00:39:23,480 on, we'll have a nice hot cup of tea. 774 00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:25,517 Oh. 775 00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:38,557 Hello. Is anyone there? 776 00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:41,960 Oh, hello. 777 00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,071 Good evening. 778 00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:46,595 Oh, you poor thing. You're soaked. 779 00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:49,195 Yes, it's been raining, you see. 780 00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:51,715 Come inside. Come inside. Come on, quickly. 781 00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:54,440 Peter, move up. 782 00:39:57,720 --> 00:39:59,916 Move up, Peter. 783 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:01,957 Move up. 784 00:40:05,360 --> 00:40:07,317 Hello. Feeling better? 785 00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:09,357 Yes, thank you. 786 00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:11,397 Here. Get those things off. 787 00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:13,711 Come on, Peter, give the poor old chap a hand. 788 00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:16,440 Will you? Yes, if you could just get the pack off. 789 00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:19,915 Nearly off. No, wait a minute. That side now. 790 00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:21,957 That's it. Thank you very much. 791 00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:30,280 Oh, you're all wet. 792 00:40:30,360 --> 00:40:32,591 Don't worry. Peter doesn't mind a drop of water. 793 00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:33,680 No, I love it. 794 00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:37,037 By the way, I'm Harriet Potter and this is my husband Peter. 795 00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:39,954 How do you do? My name is Muggins. Charlie Muggins. 796 00:40:40,040 --> 00:40:41,997 That doesn't surprise me. 797 00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:44,212 I've lost my tent and I've been searching around 798 00:40:44,213 --> 00:40:46,040 looking for somewhere to spend the night. 799 00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:47,946 Oh, dear. You're miles from anywhere here. 800 00:40:47,947 --> 00:40:48,947 Yes. 801 00:40:48,948 --> 00:40:50,677 - Why not stay the night here? - May I? 802 00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:51,760 Yes. 803 00:40:51,761 --> 00:40:53,719 No. I mean, Mr Muggins hardly knows us. 804 00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:55,757 We don't want to embarrass him. 805 00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:57,797 - You're not shy, are you? - No. 806 00:40:57,880 --> 00:40:59,837 Well, of course you're not. 807 00:40:59,920 --> 00:41:01,883 After all, with us, it's just down to the old 808 00:41:01,884 --> 00:41:03,675 undies and into the bag, isn't it, Peter? 809 00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:06,412 Well, perhaps Mr Muggins doesn't like watching 810 00:41:06,413 --> 00:41:09,233 people getting stripped down to their old undies. 811 00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:11,215 Oh, I don't mind. That is if you and 812 00:41:11,216 --> 00:41:13,109 your husband don't wish to be alone. 813 00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:15,476 What on earth for? 814 00:41:17,240 --> 00:41:20,039 Oh. I see what you mean. 815 00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:29,352 Oh, we gave up all that sort of thing years ago, didn't we, Peter? 816 00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:31,397 Yes, you did, didn't you? 817 00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:33,676 I still have my little cot with me, 818 00:41:33,677 --> 00:41:35,872 if you're sure there's room for it. 819 00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:38,031 Yes, of course. Put it up the middle. 820 00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:41,113 Peter will give you a hand to get it out, won't you, dear? 821 00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:42,680 Oh, gladly. 822 00:41:47,560 --> 00:41:49,517 That's it. Now, pull. 823 00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:54,271 Oh. Oh. 824 00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:56,317 Ooh. Ooh. 825 00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:01,077 Ah. 826 00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:13,597 Look, how much longer are you going to be? 827 00:42:13,680 --> 00:42:15,080 Nearly finished. 828 00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:17,197 Well, you said that nearly an hour ago. 829 00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:19,237 - That's it, Bernie, get the beds. - Righto. 830 00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:30,717 Oh. 831 00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:34,757 Agh. 832 00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:39,717 I'm terribly sorry. Here, let me. 833 00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:41,712 - No, no, no. My nightie. - What? 834 00:42:41,800 --> 00:42:43,996 - My nightie. - Oh. 835 00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:50,317 Mr Tanner. 836 00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:53,279 Well, I fell over her and accidentally pulled it off. 837 00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:56,797 I'm quite sure Barbara's big enough to put it back on herself. 838 00:42:56,880 --> 00:42:58,917 Oh, yes, she's big enough, all right. 839 00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:00,957 - Oh. - I mean... 840 00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:02,997 Good night. 841 00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:05,037 You two get to bed. 842 00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:07,077 I'll deal with you in the morning. 843 00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:10,997 I'll fix that old bag someday. 844 00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:13,037 Give us a hand. 845 00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:16,830 Back to Room 16 and don't hog the bed. 846 00:43:16,920 --> 00:43:18,832 Dr Soaper's coming. 847 00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:21,196 Here, I've got an idea. Come here. 848 00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:31,672 Off to beddy-byes now, girls. Get a good night's sleep. 849 00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:33,806 Yes, Dr Soaper, and the same to you. 850 00:43:33,807 --> 00:43:35,117 Thank you. Good night. 851 00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:40,277 Oh. 852 00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:41,919 Matron, this is the men's. 853 00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:44,640 - Go away, Dr Soaper. - I'm sorry. 854 00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:51,557 No, Matron, I assure you, the mistake is yours. 855 00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:53,597 It's quite clearly marked... 856 00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:56,597 Oh. Oh, I... 857 00:43:56,680 --> 00:44:00,117 Dr Soaper, I must confess, I'm not an expert in these matters, 858 00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:02,129 but I hardly think a shower stall is a 859 00:44:02,130 --> 00:44:03,910 suitable place for making advances. 860 00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:06,151 I thought I'd got hold of the shower tap. 861 00:44:06,240 --> 00:44:07,799 - I mean... - Oh. 862 00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:09,837 But, Matron, I... 863 00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:15,673 Come on, girls, everything's ready for you. 864 00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:23,456 Oh. Oh, it's lovely and cosy, isn't it, Anthea? 865 00:44:23,457 --> 00:44:24,457 Lovely. 866 00:44:24,520 --> 00:44:26,113 Worth waiting for, weren't it? 867 00:44:26,200 --> 00:44:27,912 Beds are all made up, there's a 868 00:44:27,913 --> 00:44:29,955 light and hangers for your clothes. 869 00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:31,997 That's in case you want to go out. 870 00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:34,993 And that's in case you don't. 871 00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:38,551 Well, you have done it nice and there's so much room. 872 00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:41,030 Yes, you could get four in there easy... 873 00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:43,315 if you had to. 874 00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:46,431 Yes, well, let's put up the other tent. 875 00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:48,021 Do you have to? You're soaking wet 876 00:44:48,022 --> 00:44:49,831 already and it's started to rain again. 877 00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:51,559 We've got to kip somewhere. 878 00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:53,552 Yes, I suppose so. 879 00:44:53,640 --> 00:44:56,997 What's a drop of pleurisy, anyway? 880 00:44:57,080 --> 00:44:58,080 Night, Bernie. 881 00:44:58,081 --> 00:44:59,720 Hey, wait. Look, I've had an idea. 882 00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:00,800 Yes? 883 00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:03,719 Well, it seems silly to get wet again putting up the other tent. 884 00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:06,031 That's exactly what we thought. So? 885 00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:08,555 So, why don't you both sleep in the car? 886 00:45:20,600 --> 00:45:22,956 Would you please stop barging? 887 00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:25,874 I'm sorry, I'm trying to get my sock off and I can't find the top. 888 00:45:25,960 --> 00:45:27,599 That's my leg, Mr Muggins. 889 00:45:27,680 --> 00:45:29,637 Oh, sorry. 890 00:45:29,720 --> 00:45:32,235 It was my fault. I was too close. 891 00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:34,277 What are you...? 892 00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:35,953 Would you mind, please? 893 00:45:36,040 --> 00:45:38,999 It's so difficult when you're... 894 00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:43,120 It'll be much better when I get my pants off. 895 00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:45,759 - Mrs Potter... - Mm? 896 00:45:45,840 --> 00:45:47,019 You're getting mine off. 897 00:45:47,020 --> 00:45:48,878 Oh, good heavens. I'm terribly sorry. 898 00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:50,917 There's so little room in here. 899 00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:52,957 Oh. 900 00:45:55,040 --> 00:45:56,997 Oh, just a minute. 901 00:45:57,080 --> 00:46:00,437 - Ooh. You keep pushing. - Would you... 902 00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:03,957 Would you please get out of my pyjamas? 903 00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:05,269 I can't move. 904 00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:09,115 - Mr Potter. - Mr Muggins. 905 00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:11,157 Ooh, what's happening? 906 00:46:11,240 --> 00:46:13,550 - Oh, Mr Muggins, please. - You've made a mistake. 907 00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:15,120 I know you didn't mean... really. 908 00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:17,840 - Do you mind? - No, it was silly of me. 909 00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:20,389 Keep it to yourself. I've got my own, you see? 910 00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:27,477 Oh. There you are. 911 00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:29,870 That's not the other bed, that's the rubber dinghy. 912 00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:32,429 A real bargain, that was. Self-inflating an' all. 913 00:46:32,520 --> 00:46:34,830 What do we want a self-inflating rubber dinghy for? 914 00:46:34,920 --> 00:46:36,559 We'll need it when we get to the beach. 915 00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:38,916 If we get much more of this rain, we'll need it here. 916 00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:41,151 Get your sopping clothes off my bed. Get up. 917 00:46:41,240 --> 00:46:42,594 Sorry. 918 00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:45,353 Evening. 919 00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:49,233 Ah. 920 00:46:49,320 --> 00:46:51,277 Try this way. Turn over here. 921 00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:54,512 - Ah, that's it. - Aha. Well done. That's fine. 922 00:46:54,600 --> 00:46:57,069 You'll be all right there, Mr Muggins. 923 00:46:57,160 --> 00:46:59,629 Thank you. I only hope I didn't disturb you too much. 924 00:46:59,720 --> 00:47:01,473 Oh, no. Not at all. 925 00:47:01,560 --> 00:47:03,517 - Good night, all. - Night. 926 00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:06,153 Good night, Mrs Potter. 927 00:47:06,240 --> 00:47:07,833 Good night. 928 00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:10,837 Er, excuse me, 929 00:47:10,920 --> 00:47:12,673 I think you'd better have my cot. 930 00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:15,355 I'll sleep in the middle. 931 00:47:15,440 --> 00:47:17,397 All right. 932 00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:31,557 You've got my sleeping bag. 933 00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:33,597 You are kind. 934 00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:51,317 Night. 935 00:48:01,160 --> 00:48:03,117 Girls. Get back to your room. 936 00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:05,157 I want no more trouble tonight. 937 00:48:05,240 --> 00:48:07,197 Yes, Matron. 938 00:48:16,080 --> 00:48:18,037 You stay here and keep watch. 939 00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:53,477 - Move over. - Ah. 940 00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:56,397 Ah. 941 00:48:57,840 --> 00:48:59,877 Dr Soaper. 942 00:49:04,520 --> 00:49:06,477 Bless you. 943 00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:08,517 And you. 944 00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:11,957 Oh, blimey. 945 00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:16,997 Bernie, it's raining. 946 00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:19,037 Hang on a minute. 947 00:49:23,200 --> 00:49:24,429 Thank you. 948 00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:26,824 Now for Gawd's sake, let's get some sleep. 949 00:49:26,825 --> 00:49:27,825 I'm ready. 950 00:49:27,826 --> 00:49:30,718 - What about the light? - Ok. 951 00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:32,757 What are you doing? 952 00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:46,516 Oh, come on out, quick, Anthea, it's a smashing day. 953 00:49:46,600 --> 00:49:48,557 Oh oh, yes, it's lovely. 954 00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:50,996 Where are the boys? 955 00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:56,877 Oh. 956 00:49:56,960 --> 00:49:59,316 What did you want to do that for? 957 00:50:02,720 --> 00:50:04,473 Right. Let's go. 958 00:50:04,560 --> 00:50:07,712 Darling, is it quite fair on Mr Muggins to leave him like this? 959 00:50:07,800 --> 00:50:10,235 Yes. Now, stop talking and get out of here. 960 00:50:25,840 --> 00:50:27,797 Ah, there you are. Good morning, girls. 961 00:50:27,880 --> 00:50:29,633 Good morning, Dr Soaper. 962 00:50:29,720 --> 00:50:31,677 Hurry up now. The coach is waiting. 963 00:50:31,760 --> 00:50:33,975 Sorry we busted in on you like that last night, 964 00:50:33,976 --> 00:50:35,959 sir. I hope we didn't ruin things for you. 965 00:50:36,040 --> 00:50:37,944 Not at all. It was just a misunderstanding 966 00:50:37,945 --> 00:50:39,670 over the room numbers, you understand. 967 00:50:39,760 --> 00:50:40,760 Of course, sir. 968 00:50:40,761 --> 00:50:42,195 I wonder how it could have happened. 969 00:50:42,280 --> 00:50:44,112 The doors were all marked so clearly, sir. 970 00:50:44,200 --> 00:50:46,237 Well, no harm done. I was only in there for a bit. 971 00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:48,676 Of course, sir. No harm in a bit now and then. 972 00:50:51,560 --> 00:50:53,060 Good morning, Matron. I was just 973 00:50:53,061 --> 00:50:55,076 explaining to the girls about last night. 974 00:50:55,160 --> 00:50:57,117 No, please don't say anything more. 975 00:50:57,200 --> 00:51:00,159 I fear I owe you an apology. 976 00:51:00,240 --> 00:51:02,596 Not at all. You weren't to know I was in the wrong room. 977 00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:05,798 Oh, no, please. I have been thinking about it. 978 00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:07,754 I should never have screamed out like 979 00:51:07,755 --> 00:51:09,430 that. It was most immature of me. 980 00:51:09,520 --> 00:51:12,035 Oh, I wouldn't say that... What? 981 00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:14,919 You see, I've always led a very sheltered life. 982 00:51:15,000 --> 00:51:17,190 And before this, no man has ever 983 00:51:17,191 --> 00:51:19,791 tried to force his attentions on me. 984 00:51:19,880 --> 00:51:21,712 I can well believe it. All the same... 985 00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:23,439 But I am not a child. 986 00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:28,470 I am aware that a man has these uncontrollable urges 987 00:51:28,560 --> 00:51:29,560 from time to time. 988 00:51:29,561 --> 00:51:31,234 Only at Christmas and bank holidays. 989 00:51:31,320 --> 00:51:33,765 I should really feel very flattered that 990 00:51:33,766 --> 00:51:36,031 you would want to release them on me. 991 00:51:36,120 --> 00:51:37,759 Oh, but I don't, Matron, I assure you. 992 00:51:37,840 --> 00:51:39,593 Oh, I realise, of course, 993 00:51:39,680 --> 00:51:42,324 it was the sight of me in the shower 994 00:51:42,325 --> 00:51:45,039 that aroused your slumbering manhood. 995 00:51:45,120 --> 00:51:47,351 Oh, but it wasn't slumbering, it was only half... 996 00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:51,878 No, please don't say any more. Just be patient with me. 997 00:51:51,960 --> 00:51:56,352 Remember, I am inexperienced in such things. 998 00:51:56,440 --> 00:51:58,591 Just don't rush me. 999 00:51:58,680 --> 00:52:03,152 I think you'll find it's worth waiting for. 1000 00:52:03,240 --> 00:52:07,393 Yes, so's Christmas, but you won't find me stuffing your turkey. 1001 00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:16,282 Well, if this is paradise, give me hell. 1002 00:52:16,283 --> 00:52:17,791 I will if you don't stop moaning. 1003 00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:19,568 What have I got to be cheerful about? 1004 00:52:19,569 --> 00:52:21,635 Well, I thought we might come again next year. 1005 00:52:21,720 --> 00:52:23,473 Over my dead body. 1006 00:52:23,560 --> 00:52:26,200 To tell you the truth, we were a bit worried, weren't we? 1007 00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:27,280 Yes. 1008 00:52:27,320 --> 00:52:28,549 Worried? What about? 1009 00:52:30,160 --> 00:52:31,847 Oh, it's silly, I know, but we 1010 00:52:31,848 --> 00:52:33,915 thought all coming camping together, 1011 00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:36,799 you two boys might have tried it on. 1012 00:52:36,880 --> 00:52:39,554 That's funny. Sid and me thought that, didn't we? 1013 00:52:39,640 --> 00:52:40,640 Did we? 1014 00:52:40,720 --> 00:52:42,951 - How do you do, all? - Hello, Mr Fiddler. 1015 00:52:43,040 --> 00:52:45,680 What's this, then? Caught colds, have you? 1016 00:52:45,760 --> 00:52:48,832 Oh, no, just giving our feet some air, that's all. 1017 00:52:48,920 --> 00:52:51,007 You've settled in all right, then? 1018 00:52:51,008 --> 00:52:52,755 Yes, very nicely, thank you. 1019 00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:57,278 Look, you didn't say nothing about putting up a clothesline. 1020 00:52:57,360 --> 00:52:59,511 Oh, don't you allow them, then? 1021 00:52:59,600 --> 00:53:02,479 It's just that it takes up so much space. 1022 00:53:02,560 --> 00:53:04,791 That's why we have to make a small charge. 1023 00:53:04,866 --> 00:53:05,866 Small charge? 1024 00:53:05,867 --> 00:53:08,760 Oh, now, look. Just a nominal one, mind. 1025 00:53:08,840 --> 00:53:09,840 A pound? 1026 00:53:09,841 --> 00:53:11,309 Oh, no, you can put four up for a pound. 1027 00:53:11,400 --> 00:53:12,400 Get away. 1028 00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:15,592 You mean to tell me, you will let us put up one clothesline, 1029 00:53:15,680 --> 00:53:17,358 occupying at least ten feet of empty 1030 00:53:17,359 --> 00:53:18,718 air, for only five shillings? 1031 00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:21,520 Ah, no. One's 7s/6d. Four for a pound. 1032 00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:24,513 You skinflint. You scavenger. 1033 00:53:27,200 --> 00:53:30,238 Don't worry. We'll come to some arrangement about the line. 1034 00:53:30,320 --> 00:53:31,674 Yes, round your blooming neck. 1035 00:53:31,760 --> 00:53:33,717 Sid, you must not talk to him like that. 1036 00:53:33,718 --> 00:53:34,992 Well, he gets on my wick. 1037 00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:37,251 Blimey, ten quid we spent here. Anybody would 1038 00:53:37,252 --> 00:53:39,233 think the blooming field belonged to him. 1039 00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:41,960 Sid, my stew. 1040 00:53:42,040 --> 00:53:43,838 Argh. 1041 00:53:43,920 --> 00:53:45,731 That's it. Pack up. Pack up. We're 1042 00:53:45,732 --> 00:53:47,755 getting out of this joint right now. 1043 00:53:47,840 --> 00:53:49,035 Come on. Get this stuff up. 1044 00:53:55,160 --> 00:53:56,985 I say, thanks most awfully for the lift. 1045 00:53:56,986 --> 00:53:57,986 That's all right. 1046 00:53:57,987 --> 00:53:59,991 Come along, girls. Collect your bags. 1047 00:54:00,080 --> 00:54:02,037 This way. 1048 00:54:02,120 --> 00:54:04,077 Such charming company, too. 1049 00:54:04,160 --> 00:54:06,834 I say, could I give something towards the petrol? 1050 00:54:06,920 --> 00:54:09,560 Well, you could give something for all the food. 1051 00:54:09,640 --> 00:54:11,597 Ooh, but I'd be delighted. 1052 00:54:11,680 --> 00:54:13,273 - Thank you. - Don't mention it. 1053 00:54:13,360 --> 00:54:15,426 Here you are, Sid. Joan says to put some 1054 00:54:15,427 --> 00:54:17,240 of this ointment on your poor feet. 1055 00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:18,825 Never mind about my feet. Get them 1056 00:54:18,826 --> 00:54:20,552 tents down and let's get out of here. 1057 00:54:20,640 --> 00:54:21,994 Righto. 1058 00:54:24,080 --> 00:54:26,037 Look at that. 1059 00:54:26,120 --> 00:54:27,634 What? 1060 00:54:36,360 --> 00:54:38,477 - I don't think much of yours. - Oh, I don't know. 1061 00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:40,472 She's got lovely big... blue eyes. 1062 00:54:40,560 --> 00:54:43,155 You can have the one in the blazer. 1063 00:54:47,320 --> 00:54:49,277 Well? 1064 00:54:49,360 --> 00:54:51,317 Well, what? 1065 00:54:51,400 --> 00:54:52,723 Well, are we leaving, or not? 1066 00:54:52,724 --> 00:54:54,472 What? A lovely cheap place like this? 1067 00:54:54,560 --> 00:54:57,029 - I don't call ten quid cheap. - Oh, shut up. 1068 00:54:57,120 --> 00:54:59,077 Leaving? You must be barmy. 1069 00:54:59,160 --> 00:55:01,834 That's it. Frames up first and then canvas later. 1070 00:55:01,920 --> 00:55:04,276 And there's bedding and bunks by the coach. 1071 00:55:04,360 --> 00:55:09,037 No, no, Barbara. Tent up first, bunk up later. 1072 00:55:09,120 --> 00:55:11,840 Ah, that's it, girls. Very good. 1073 00:55:11,920 --> 00:55:15,038 Frames first and then canvas over later. 1074 00:55:15,120 --> 00:55:17,077 Oh, excellent. Well done, Matron. 1075 00:55:17,160 --> 00:55:20,392 Oh, well, it seems a little bit rickety, Doctor. 1076 00:55:20,480 --> 00:55:23,439 Is it? Yes, well, of course, it's fairly easy to get it up, 1077 00:55:23,520 --> 00:55:26,080 it's getting it to stay up, that's what counts. 1078 00:55:26,160 --> 00:55:28,595 Oh, you haven't pegged it down properly. 1079 00:55:28,680 --> 00:55:31,957 Oh, you must forgive me, Doctor, I've never done it before. 1080 00:55:32,040 --> 00:55:33,997 Yes, so you told me earlier. 1081 00:55:34,080 --> 00:55:35,639 Excuse me. 1082 00:55:35,720 --> 00:55:38,189 Oh, Doctor, I suppose you haven't room for me? 1083 00:55:38,280 --> 00:55:39,280 Room for you? 1084 00:55:39,281 --> 00:55:41,512 Yes. You see, I happen to have lost my tent. 1085 00:55:41,600 --> 00:55:44,240 My dear man, these tents are all for young girls. 1086 00:55:44,320 --> 00:55:46,277 Oh, well, I'm not fussy. 1087 00:55:46,360 --> 00:55:48,317 - Well, I am. - Oh. 1088 00:55:48,400 --> 00:55:50,392 Well, what about the little one at the far end? 1089 00:55:50,480 --> 00:55:52,437 That, sir, is my habitat. 1090 00:55:52,520 --> 00:55:54,114 Oh, I do beg your pardon. Do you 1091 00:55:54,115 --> 00:55:55,957 know, I thought that you and she... 1092 00:55:56,040 --> 00:55:57,040 Certainly not. 1093 00:55:57,041 --> 00:55:58,953 Oh, in that case, I don't mind sharing with her. 1094 00:55:59,040 --> 00:56:00,679 Well, you're certainly not fussy. 1095 00:56:02,480 --> 00:56:04,437 Here we are again, Mr Fiddler. 1096 00:56:04,520 --> 00:56:06,229 Welcome back, Mrs Potter, Mr Potter. 1097 00:56:06,230 --> 00:56:08,070 Oh, thank you. Did you get our booking? 1098 00:56:08,160 --> 00:56:10,231 Ah, yes. Now about that, Mrs Potter... 1099 00:56:10,320 --> 00:56:12,357 I've got a bit of a shock. 1100 00:56:12,440 --> 00:56:13,999 You mean, there's no room? 1101 00:56:14,080 --> 00:56:15,512 Oh, no, I can always manage to 1102 00:56:15,513 --> 00:56:17,278 squeeze old customers in all right. 1103 00:56:17,360 --> 00:56:18,476 Oh. 1104 00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:21,352 It's just that overheads have gone up so much 1105 00:56:21,353 --> 00:56:23,840 since you were here last. I've had to... 1106 00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:26,037 How much more this year, Mr Fiddler? 1107 00:56:26,120 --> 00:56:27,474 A pound. 1108 00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:29,517 Oh, we quite understand. 1109 00:56:29,600 --> 00:56:31,557 You might, I don't. 1110 00:56:31,640 --> 00:56:34,758 Just what overheads do you have, Mr Fiddler? It's only a field. 1111 00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:36,797 To you, Mr Potter, maybe. 1112 00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:39,634 Take that grass, it don't grow by itself, you know. 1113 00:56:39,720 --> 00:56:41,677 It has to be manured regular. 1114 00:56:41,760 --> 00:56:44,832 And manure's gone up by ten pound a load now. 1115 00:56:44,920 --> 00:56:47,071 Sounds a real bargain to me, Mr Fiddler. 1116 00:56:47,160 --> 00:56:49,117 What is it? Second-hand? 1117 00:56:49,200 --> 00:56:50,634 Mrs Potter, hello. 1118 00:56:50,720 --> 00:56:52,473 Mrs Potter, I'm coming. 1119 00:56:52,560 --> 00:56:55,234 Oh, look, darling. Look, it's Mr Muggins. 1120 00:56:55,320 --> 00:56:59,200 Yeah, well, your problems are solved, Mr Fiddler. 1121 00:56:59,280 --> 00:57:01,920 At least, you won't have to buy any more manure. 1122 00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:04,037 - Supper's ready. - Good. I'm starving. 1123 00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:05,436 Where are the boys? 1124 00:57:08,200 --> 00:57:10,590 It's awfully sweet of you to help us like this. 1125 00:57:10,680 --> 00:57:12,717 It's nothing. It's a pleasure, isn't it, Bern? 1126 00:57:12,800 --> 00:57:16,316 Oh, yeah. Especially when you're as well-equipped as you are. 1127 00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:19,477 Thanks for the compliment. 1128 00:57:19,560 --> 00:57:21,517 No, I meant with camping equipment. 1129 00:57:21,600 --> 00:57:23,159 Don't spoil it. 1130 00:57:23,240 --> 00:57:24,833 Are you two here on your own? 1131 00:57:24,920 --> 00:57:26,479 Oh, no, we've got our girlfr... 1132 00:57:26,560 --> 00:57:27,789 - Ow. - Sorry. 1133 00:57:27,880 --> 00:57:30,759 Were you going to say you've got girlfriends with you? 1134 00:57:30,840 --> 00:57:32,737 No, he always calls them that. They're 1135 00:57:32,738 --> 00:57:34,197 relations, actually. Aunties. 1136 00:57:34,280 --> 00:57:37,796 Oh, well, then, they won't mind you being with us, will they? 1137 00:57:37,880 --> 00:57:39,837 Mind? They'll be tickled pink. 1138 00:57:41,400 --> 00:57:42,956 Now, remember, girls, the camp 1139 00:57:42,957 --> 00:57:45,030 perimeter lights go out at ten o'clock 1140 00:57:45,120 --> 00:57:47,999 and I don't want to see any of you outside your tents after that. 1141 00:57:48,080 --> 00:57:50,186 There'll be usual PT at seven thirty, 1142 00:57:50,187 --> 00:57:51,960 followed by breakfast at eight, 1143 00:57:52,040 --> 00:57:56,671 and then I'll be taking you all on a lovely nature ramble. 1144 00:57:56,760 --> 00:57:58,513 Lunch at one o'clock, 1145 00:57:58,600 --> 00:58:00,599 and then I'll be giving a lecture on 1146 00:58:00,600 --> 00:58:02,435 birdsong and the calls of nature. 1147 00:58:02,600 --> 00:58:05,354 All right. I'll show you once again. Are you watching? 1148 00:58:05,440 --> 00:58:08,080 Right. Here we go now. Now you see it. Now you don't. 1149 00:58:08,160 --> 00:58:09,160 That's it. 1150 00:58:09,161 --> 00:58:11,437 Wrong again. That's three kisses you owe me. 1151 00:58:11,520 --> 00:58:15,355 What is going on here? 1152 00:58:15,440 --> 00:58:17,081 Oh, these two gentlemen have been 1153 00:58:17,082 --> 00:58:19,070 kindly helping us with our tents, sir. 1154 00:58:19,160 --> 00:58:22,073 Yes, very nice, but you mustn't let them take advantage of you. 1155 00:58:22,160 --> 00:58:25,597 - Oh, no, we'll try not to, sir. - I'm talking to the gentlemen. 1156 00:58:25,680 --> 00:58:27,751 We're only too happy to be of assistance. 1157 00:58:27,840 --> 00:58:29,931 It's very kind of you, but I'd like to see you 1158 00:58:29,932 --> 00:58:31,800 get everything organised inside the tent. 1159 00:58:31,880 --> 00:58:34,873 - That suits us. - I was talking to the girls. 1160 00:58:34,960 --> 00:58:36,440 Bunks and bedding. 1161 00:58:36,520 --> 00:58:39,115 Oh, yes, well, Jane's just gone to get hers, sir. 1162 00:58:39,200 --> 00:58:40,600 And it's high time you got yours. 1163 00:58:40,680 --> 00:58:43,593 And I was talking to the girls. 1164 00:58:43,680 --> 00:58:46,559 Come on, Fanny, we'd better get cracking. 1165 00:58:53,360 --> 00:58:55,073 You don't want to take that. It's too 1166 00:58:55,074 --> 00:58:56,876 heavy. You might do yourself an injury. 1167 00:58:56,960 --> 00:58:58,440 That's all right. I can manage. 1168 00:58:58,520 --> 00:59:00,989 Can you? Go and get some more for the others. 1169 00:59:02,040 --> 00:59:03,997 Here, what are you doing in here? 1170 00:59:04,080 --> 00:59:06,390 We've come to give you a couple of hands, that's all. 1171 00:59:06,480 --> 00:59:09,040 If Dr Soaper sees you here, we'll get into awful trouble. 1172 00:59:09,120 --> 00:59:12,192 We've just got to make sure he doesn't see us, haven't we? 1173 00:59:18,880 --> 00:59:20,633 Well, it must go together somehow. 1174 00:59:20,720 --> 00:59:22,837 Well, hurry up, before someone comes. 1175 00:59:22,920 --> 00:59:24,593 Perhaps you have to pull something. 1176 00:59:24,680 --> 00:59:27,559 How about those two things sticking out in front? 1177 00:59:27,640 --> 00:59:29,597 Yeah, how about them. 1178 00:59:30,640 --> 00:59:32,199 Oh, saucy. 1179 00:59:37,960 --> 00:59:40,429 Come on. How much longer are you going to be? 1180 00:59:40,520 --> 00:59:42,651 Sorry. But it's not going to work like this. 1181 00:59:42,652 --> 00:59:44,639 We'll have to try it the other way round. 1182 00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:46,712 Come on. Stop messing around. You two. 1183 00:59:46,800 --> 00:59:48,871 Give us the bed. Let me and Babs show you how. 1184 00:59:48,960 --> 00:59:51,759 - What do you want me to do? - Grab hold of this. 1185 00:59:51,840 --> 00:59:53,797 No. Both hands. 1186 00:59:57,920 --> 01:00:00,879 Oh, it's all right. It's only your aunties. 1187 01:00:40,160 --> 01:00:43,995 Bend. Bend. Bend. Bend. Bend. Bend. 1188 01:00:44,080 --> 01:00:46,231 Bend, bend, bend, bend, 1189 01:00:46,320 --> 01:00:48,994 bend. Bend. Bend. Bend. 1190 01:00:49,080 --> 01:00:51,276 Bend, bend, bend, bend, 1191 01:00:51,360 --> 01:00:55,115 bend. Bend. Bend. Bend. Bend. Bend. 1192 01:00:55,200 --> 01:00:57,396 And up. 1193 01:00:57,480 --> 01:01:00,393 And down. 1194 01:01:00,480 --> 01:01:02,312 And up. 1195 01:01:02,400 --> 01:01:04,869 And down. 1196 01:01:04,960 --> 01:01:06,758 And up. 1197 01:01:06,840 --> 01:01:08,672 And down. 1198 01:01:08,760 --> 01:01:11,559 Now. Really touch those toes. Barbara. 1199 01:01:11,640 --> 01:01:13,199 And up. 1200 01:01:13,280 --> 01:01:14,760 And rest. 1201 01:01:14,840 --> 01:01:16,797 Now, legs astride. 1202 01:01:16,880 --> 01:01:20,510 Arms flinging from side to side. Begin. 1203 01:01:20,600 --> 01:01:23,195 And fling. And in. 1204 01:01:23,280 --> 01:01:25,237 And fling. And in. 1205 01:01:25,320 --> 01:01:27,471 And both arms fling. 1206 01:01:27,560 --> 01:01:29,870 Now, really let's see those chests come out. 1207 01:01:29,960 --> 01:01:32,555 And fling. And in. 1208 01:01:32,640 --> 01:01:33,869 And fling. 1209 01:01:33,960 --> 01:01:36,111 And in. And fling. 1210 01:01:40,240 --> 01:01:43,631 Oh oh, Matron, take them away. 1211 01:01:44,640 --> 01:01:46,597 Ah. 1212 01:01:46,680 --> 01:01:49,798 If you were a gentleman, you'd close your eyes. 1213 01:01:51,240 --> 01:01:53,197 Stop laughing. 1214 01:01:53,280 --> 01:01:55,397 Now that Barbara's fallen out... 1215 01:01:55,480 --> 01:01:57,676 Stop laughing. 1216 01:01:57,760 --> 01:02:00,070 We will continue. Hands on hips. 1217 01:02:00,160 --> 01:02:02,550 Bending from side to side. Begin. 1218 01:02:02,640 --> 01:02:05,917 Bend. Bend. Bend. Bend. Bend. 1219 01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:08,754 Bend. That's enough for today. 1220 01:02:08,840 --> 01:02:11,275 After you've all had a shower and breakfast, 1221 01:02:11,360 --> 01:02:13,284 you'll be pleased to hear I've been able 1222 01:02:13,285 --> 01:02:15,115 to arrange a lovely outing for you all 1223 01:02:15,200 --> 01:02:17,745 to the famous mineral drink-producing 1224 01:02:17,746 --> 01:02:19,353 monastery at Standfast, 1225 01:02:19,440 --> 01:02:22,877 where you can actually see the monks making their own water. 1226 01:02:22,960 --> 01:02:25,794 Dismissed. 1227 01:02:28,960 --> 01:02:32,271 Oh, you're up already, dear. Are you ready for some breakfast? 1228 01:02:32,360 --> 01:02:34,317 I am. Did you have a good night? 1229 01:02:34,400 --> 01:02:36,357 Oh, not bad. 1230 01:02:36,440 --> 01:02:38,909 One of the girls from across the way came over, 1231 01:02:39,000 --> 01:02:41,959 and dragged me out of the tent, took me into the woods. 1232 01:02:42,040 --> 01:02:44,020 I'm afraid it's only eggs this morning. Mr... 1233 01:02:44,021 --> 01:02:46,000 Muggins finished all the bacon last night. 1234 01:02:46,080 --> 01:02:47,434 How surprising. 1235 01:02:47,520 --> 01:02:49,796 - Did you sleep well, dear? - Not very, no. 1236 01:02:49,880 --> 01:02:52,440 You see, this girl kept waking me up to make love to her. 1237 01:02:52,520 --> 01:02:55,160 Oh, poor Mr Muggins. You know, he does need feeding up. 1238 01:02:55,240 --> 01:02:57,880 - Harriet. - What's the matter, dear? 1239 01:02:57,960 --> 01:02:59,995 Don't you think it's time Mr Muggins 1240 01:02:59,996 --> 01:03:01,590 got another tent to himself? 1241 01:03:01,680 --> 01:03:05,435 Oh, darling, we couldn't chuck him out like that. He's so helpless. 1242 01:03:05,520 --> 01:03:07,477 You mean hopeless. 1243 01:03:07,560 --> 01:03:10,553 You're just a bit grumpy this morning. 1244 01:03:10,640 --> 01:03:13,314 - Perhaps you had a bad night? - No, not really, no. 1245 01:03:13,400 --> 01:03:15,198 Mind you, it got a bit rough when the rest 1246 01:03:15,199 --> 01:03:16,871 of the girls came across and joined us. 1247 01:03:16,960 --> 01:03:18,519 I just couldn't satisfy them. 1248 01:03:18,600 --> 01:03:21,320 You know, I wouldn't have minded a bit of that myself. 1249 01:03:21,400 --> 01:03:24,711 - A bit of what? - That bacon. Pity he finished it. 1250 01:03:29,560 --> 01:03:32,439 Frustrated? What do you mean, you feel frustrated? 1251 01:03:32,520 --> 01:03:34,166 What did Fiddler say to you yesterday 1252 01:03:34,167 --> 01:03:35,638 when you asked him for some eggs? 1253 01:03:35,720 --> 01:03:37,677 - He said he was not getting any. - Exactly. 1254 01:03:37,760 --> 01:03:40,434 It's six days now and those birds are ready to be friendly. 1255 01:03:40,520 --> 01:03:41,916 They're friendly, all right. Mr... 1256 01:03:41,917 --> 01:03:43,672 Fiddler says they're just not laying. 1257 01:03:43,760 --> 01:03:45,717 Not the blooming chickens. 1258 01:03:45,800 --> 01:03:47,792 I mean, Babs, 1259 01:03:47,880 --> 01:03:49,360 - and the other. - Fanny? 1260 01:03:49,440 --> 01:03:50,669 Yeah, that's it. 1261 01:03:50,760 --> 01:03:53,559 Maybe if we could get hold of 'em... 1262 01:03:53,640 --> 01:03:55,597 Yes, but how? How? 1263 01:03:55,680 --> 01:03:58,798 With those four beady eyes watching us? 1264 01:04:02,520 --> 01:04:04,000 Morning. 1265 01:04:04,080 --> 01:04:06,754 Hurry, girls. No dawdling. 1266 01:04:10,320 --> 01:04:12,198 See that? They gave us a little wave. 1267 01:04:12,280 --> 01:04:13,839 Yeah, fat lot of good that'll do you. 1268 01:04:13,920 --> 01:04:15,718 Pity we don't share the same ablutions. 1269 01:04:15,800 --> 01:04:17,757 Yeah. 1270 01:04:17,840 --> 01:04:20,071 Get your wash things. 1271 01:04:20,160 --> 01:04:22,675 - I had a wash yesterday. - You'll have another one today. 1272 01:04:22,760 --> 01:04:26,151 - But I'm on holiday. - Oh, come on. Come on. 1273 01:04:26,240 --> 01:04:28,197 This way, girls. 1274 01:04:43,960 --> 01:04:45,917 - Hello there. - Hello. 1275 01:04:47,840 --> 01:04:49,991 What are you doing? We haven't come here to wash. 1276 01:04:50,080 --> 01:04:52,754 But you said I was going to have another... 1277 01:04:53,840 --> 01:04:54,945 What are you up to? 1278 01:04:54,946 --> 01:04:57,470 They can't stop us talking through the wall. 1279 01:04:57,560 --> 01:05:00,075 Hey, hurry up, Barbara. 1280 01:05:00,160 --> 01:05:03,153 Oh, just a minute. I've only just got in, dear. 1281 01:05:03,240 --> 01:05:05,025 "Of course. Sir. Sorry we busted in 1282 01:05:05,026 --> 01:05:06,711 on you like that last night, sir." 1283 01:05:06,800 --> 01:05:08,837 I can hear her just the other side of the wall. 1284 01:05:08,920 --> 01:05:09,920 - Who? - Babs, I think. 1285 01:05:10,000 --> 01:05:12,231 Hey, look. 1286 01:05:14,560 --> 01:05:16,517 Bernie, Bernie, Bernie. 1287 01:05:16,600 --> 01:05:18,557 You'll break out in boils. 1288 01:05:20,560 --> 01:05:22,711 It's Babs. I recognise the dimples. 1289 01:05:23,760 --> 01:05:25,513 Hey, Babs. 1290 01:05:26,600 --> 01:05:28,432 It's me. Sid Boggle. 1291 01:05:29,480 --> 01:05:31,392 Can you hear me? 1292 01:05:31,480 --> 01:05:34,791 Only just. You'll have to speak up a bit. 1293 01:05:34,880 --> 01:05:38,317 I was wondering if we could meet up somewhere tonight. 1294 01:05:38,400 --> 01:05:40,357 Meet where? 1295 01:05:40,440 --> 01:05:42,397 Hello? 1296 01:05:43,920 --> 01:05:45,877 Sid, watch it. 1297 01:05:45,960 --> 01:05:47,360 Hello? 1298 01:05:50,840 --> 01:05:51,876 Sid. 1299 01:05:55,440 --> 01:05:57,272 Are you still there? 1300 01:06:02,760 --> 01:06:04,717 Sid, are you still there? 1301 01:06:04,800 --> 01:06:06,951 Barbara, who are you talking to? 1302 01:06:07,040 --> 01:06:09,555 Ooh. Ooh, no one, Matron. 1303 01:06:09,640 --> 01:06:11,597 Come out of there immediately. 1304 01:06:18,960 --> 01:06:20,917 I thought so. 1305 01:06:21,000 --> 01:06:22,957 Disgusting brutes. 1306 01:06:24,000 --> 01:06:25,753 What is it? What's the matter? 1307 01:06:25,840 --> 01:06:27,797 Some man's been looking at us. 1308 01:06:41,800 --> 01:06:43,757 Are you there? 1309 01:06:49,240 --> 01:06:50,913 Get out of here. Quick. 1310 01:06:52,560 --> 01:06:54,517 - How do you do? - Hello. 1311 01:06:54,600 --> 01:06:57,160 Filthy beasts. 1312 01:06:57,240 --> 01:06:59,197 Disgusting be... 1313 01:07:07,520 --> 01:07:09,000 Oh. 1314 01:07:09,080 --> 01:07:10,560 Oh. Oh. 1315 01:07:10,640 --> 01:07:13,678 I've had another letter from Mum. She's worried. 1316 01:07:13,760 --> 01:07:16,116 - Oh? What about this time? - Oh, the usual. 1317 01:07:16,200 --> 01:07:20,433 "I had a nasty dream last night about you and Anthea. 1318 01:07:20,520 --> 01:07:22,273 You were asleep in your tent, 1319 01:07:22,360 --> 01:07:24,492 and these two big, lusty farm hands broke 1320 01:07:24,493 --> 01:07:26,320 in and cultivated your friendship." 1321 01:07:26,400 --> 01:07:28,357 Mm. Chance would be a fine thing. 1322 01:07:28,440 --> 01:07:30,397 Anthea. 1323 01:07:30,480 --> 01:07:32,437 Oh oh, I'm sorry. 1324 01:07:32,520 --> 01:07:34,477 It just sort of slipped out. 1325 01:07:45,920 --> 01:07:48,276 Oh oh, look, there they are. 1326 01:07:56,320 --> 01:07:58,127 Murder, inn't it? Like having a permanent 1327 01:07:58,128 --> 01:07:59,757 itch and nothing to scratch it with. 1328 01:07:59,840 --> 01:08:01,991 Do you really think they fancy us? 1329 01:08:02,080 --> 01:08:04,022 Fancy us? Your trouble is you don't 1330 01:08:04,023 --> 01:08:06,233 recognise a green light when you see it. 1331 01:08:06,320 --> 01:08:09,358 I haven't had much luck with the red ones, either. 1332 01:08:18,000 --> 01:08:20,720 - Where do you think you're going? - For a walk. 1333 01:08:20,800 --> 01:08:23,554 - On tiptoe? - I didn't want to wake you. 1334 01:08:23,640 --> 01:08:25,791 Now, look, don't you kid me, Sid Boggle. 1335 01:08:25,880 --> 01:08:28,270 You're eyeing those two flashy birds. 1336 01:08:28,360 --> 01:08:30,795 - What two flashy birds? - She means Babs and Fanny. 1337 01:08:30,880 --> 01:08:33,236 - Who asked you? - I was only trying to help. 1338 01:08:33,320 --> 01:08:35,118 I didn't even notice them. 1339 01:08:35,200 --> 01:08:37,715 You haven't stopped eyeing them ever since they came. 1340 01:08:37,800 --> 01:08:39,917 Can I help it if they stand where I'm staring? 1341 01:08:40,000 --> 01:08:41,719 Not content with bags under your eyes, 1342 01:08:41,720 --> 01:08:43,437 you want them in front of you as well. 1343 01:09:01,360 --> 01:09:04,034 Hello, everyone. Lovely afternoon. 1344 01:09:04,120 --> 01:09:05,918 Hello, Mrs Potter. Yes, lovely. 1345 01:09:06,000 --> 01:09:08,117 I thought you ought to know that this evening 1346 01:09:08,200 --> 01:09:11,398 Dr Soaper is giving us a lecture on bird-watching. 1347 01:09:11,480 --> 01:09:12,960 Thanks. I've already had one. 1348 01:09:13,040 --> 01:09:15,680 Don't take any notice of him, Mrs Potter. We'll be there. 1349 01:09:15,760 --> 01:09:18,832 Oh, good-oh. Seven o'clock. In front of the latrines. 1350 01:09:18,920 --> 01:09:20,593 That'll be a good atmosphere for it. 1351 01:09:20,680 --> 01:09:23,673 I say, you haven't seen... my husband, have you? 1352 01:09:23,760 --> 01:09:24,989 Afraid not. 1353 01:09:25,080 --> 01:09:28,232 - He seems to have disappeared. - He's a good judge. 1354 01:09:28,320 --> 01:09:30,277 Come along, girls. 1355 01:09:30,360 --> 01:09:32,317 Quickly now. 1356 01:09:32,400 --> 01:09:34,357 Come on. 1357 01:09:35,760 --> 01:09:37,717 That's right. 1358 01:09:40,560 --> 01:09:43,792 And remember, don't go asking the monks any stupid questions, 1359 01:09:43,880 --> 01:09:45,519 because they've given up talking. 1360 01:09:45,600 --> 01:09:46,600 And no saucy looks. 1361 01:09:46,640 --> 01:09:48,228 Because they've given that up, too. 1362 01:09:48,229 --> 01:09:49,314 Are we all ready to go? 1363 01:09:49,400 --> 01:09:51,716 Yes, Dr Soaper, all except Jane. She wasn't 1364 01:09:51,717 --> 01:09:54,031 feeling well, so I told her to stay in bed. 1365 01:09:54,120 --> 01:09:56,077 What have you done to your eye? 1366 01:09:56,160 --> 01:09:58,117 I got a fly in it. 1367 01:10:00,040 --> 01:10:02,714 There goes Dr Soaper's party now. 1368 01:10:02,800 --> 01:10:05,998 I say, have you visited Standfast Abbey? 1369 01:10:06,080 --> 01:10:07,434 Er, no. 1370 01:10:07,520 --> 01:10:10,672 You should, you know. A most extraordinary order of monks. 1371 01:10:10,760 --> 01:10:12,797 Well, in that case, I'd rather not. 1372 01:10:12,880 --> 01:10:15,873 Oh, well. I'd better find the old pot and pan. 1373 01:10:15,960 --> 01:10:17,997 Bye. 1374 01:10:18,080 --> 01:10:19,845 She's quite right, you know. We ought 1375 01:10:19,846 --> 01:10:21,471 to see everything there is to see. 1376 01:10:21,560 --> 01:10:24,632 You weren't doing so badly this morning in the ablutions hut. 1377 01:10:24,720 --> 01:10:26,552 I don't know what you're talking about. 1378 01:10:26,640 --> 01:10:27,835 No? 1379 01:10:27,920 --> 01:10:30,244 All right. Get your things. Let's go. 1380 01:10:30,245 --> 01:10:31,245 No, thank you. 1381 01:10:31,320 --> 01:10:32,993 All right, Bernie, you and me'll go. 1382 01:10:32,994 --> 01:10:33,994 Where to? 1383 01:10:33,995 --> 01:10:35,278 That place. Standfast Abbey. 1384 01:10:35,279 --> 01:10:37,680 Oh, you mean, where the girls have gone? 1385 01:10:37,760 --> 01:10:39,513 Sorry. 1386 01:10:41,080 --> 01:10:43,037 Get your things, Anth. 1387 01:10:52,960 --> 01:10:57,591 Mr Muggins, much as I enjoy your excellent company... 1388 01:10:57,680 --> 01:11:00,878 That's a blasted lie for a start. 1389 01:11:00,960 --> 01:11:03,555 I must be completely honest, 1390 01:11:03,640 --> 01:11:05,597 only polite. 1391 01:11:09,560 --> 01:11:11,517 My dear Mr Muggins, 1392 01:11:12,560 --> 01:11:14,517 it's only a suggestion, 1393 01:11:14,600 --> 01:11:17,492 but why don't you take your stinking 1394 01:11:17,493 --> 01:11:19,994 carcass out of our bloody tent? 1395 01:11:21,760 --> 01:11:24,070 If only I had the nerve. 1396 01:11:24,160 --> 01:11:26,072 Hello. 1397 01:11:26,160 --> 01:11:28,197 Oh, hello. 1398 01:11:28,280 --> 01:11:30,286 You're from the camping site, aren't you? 1399 01:11:30,287 --> 01:11:31,287 Mm. 1400 01:11:31,288 --> 01:11:32,830 I've seen you with that funny woman 1401 01:11:32,831 --> 01:11:34,272 and that scrawny little man. 1402 01:11:34,360 --> 01:11:36,113 I don't like them much. 1403 01:11:36,200 --> 01:11:38,431 - Sit down and join the club. - All right. 1404 01:11:38,520 --> 01:11:40,477 I like you, though. 1405 01:11:40,560 --> 01:11:42,517 Having fun? 1406 01:11:42,600 --> 01:11:44,557 Not much. 1407 01:11:44,640 --> 01:11:47,519 - Oh, would you like some? - No, I don't drink. 1408 01:11:47,600 --> 01:11:49,557 Pity. 1409 01:11:49,640 --> 01:11:51,393 Oh, cigarette? 1410 01:11:51,480 --> 01:11:54,234 - I don't smoke. - Oh. 1411 01:11:54,320 --> 01:11:55,913 But we can go to my tent if you like. 1412 01:11:56,000 --> 01:11:58,754 The others are all away. 1413 01:11:58,840 --> 01:12:00,479 Well? 1414 01:12:00,560 --> 01:12:03,200 Come on, then. 1415 01:12:05,440 --> 01:12:07,397 Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. 1416 01:12:35,760 --> 01:12:38,275 Oh, I like this one of the monks doing their laundry. 1417 01:12:38,360 --> 01:12:39,714 Oh oh, lovely. 1418 01:12:39,800 --> 01:12:42,952 I suppose that's where they get rid of their dirty habit. 1419 01:12:43,040 --> 01:12:44,997 That is not very funny, Bernie. 1420 01:12:45,080 --> 01:12:47,037 Has Sid got a... 1421 01:12:47,120 --> 01:12:49,077 Well, where is he? Where's Sid? 1422 01:12:49,160 --> 01:12:52,119 Oh, he's just crept into the crypt for a... smoke. 1423 01:12:54,680 --> 01:12:56,034 Psst. Psst. 1424 01:12:59,320 --> 01:13:00,913 How about a bit of fun tonight? 1425 01:13:01,000 --> 01:13:03,674 Not half, brother. We'll be over after lights out. 1426 01:13:03,760 --> 01:13:05,513 Bless you, my children. 1427 01:13:07,240 --> 01:13:10,790 Oh, there you are. Where have you been all afternoon? 1428 01:13:10,880 --> 01:13:13,759 I have been lying in the arms of a beautiful girl. 1429 01:13:13,840 --> 01:13:15,718 I was getting worried. You missed your tea. 1430 01:13:15,800 --> 01:13:16,800 Harriet. 1431 01:13:16,801 --> 01:13:17,951 Still, you're in time for supper. 1432 01:13:18,040 --> 01:13:19,997 - Harriet. - What is it, dear? 1433 01:13:20,160 --> 01:13:22,117 Where is Mr Muggins? 1434 01:13:22,200 --> 01:13:24,157 Oh, he's in the tent. 1435 01:13:26,320 --> 01:13:28,551 Oh, Peter, don't go in. He's having a nap. 1436 01:13:31,240 --> 01:13:33,038 Peter, what's come over you? 1437 01:13:33,120 --> 01:13:34,952 Ooh. 1438 01:13:38,360 --> 01:13:40,317 And stay out. 1439 01:13:42,160 --> 01:13:44,618 And now, Harriet, I'd like you inside, please. 1440 01:13:44,619 --> 01:13:45,619 What for? 1441 01:13:45,620 --> 01:13:47,477 - You'll find out. - Oh. 1442 01:13:47,560 --> 01:13:49,517 But what about the sup...? 1443 01:13:50,560 --> 01:13:53,200 Oh, so glad you reminded me. 1444 01:14:00,240 --> 01:14:01,640 Urgh. 1445 01:14:10,360 --> 01:14:11,919 Oh. 1446 01:14:15,560 --> 01:14:18,359 Oh. Peter. 1447 01:14:18,440 --> 01:14:22,798 I wonder if he's offended about something. 1448 01:14:23,880 --> 01:14:26,016 I keep telling you, Bernie, as soon as the 1449 01:14:26,017 --> 01:14:27,954 lights go out, they're coming in here. 1450 01:14:28,040 --> 01:14:30,396 - Go on. What for? - A party. 1451 01:14:30,480 --> 01:14:31,960 Shouldn't we get some cakes? 1452 01:14:32,040 --> 01:14:35,112 Not that kind of a party. Bernie, we have got it made. 1453 01:14:35,200 --> 01:14:37,271 All we've got to do is play our cards right. 1454 01:14:37,360 --> 01:14:39,556 Oh. I hope they play rummy. 1455 01:14:39,640 --> 01:14:41,757 Forget it. Just hide the bottles. 1456 01:14:42,840 --> 01:14:44,673 Supposing Joan and Anthea find out? 1457 01:14:44,674 --> 01:14:46,072 They'll be asleep by then. 1458 01:14:46,160 --> 01:14:48,595 But what if they hear a noise and get up to investigate? 1459 01:14:48,680 --> 01:14:50,512 I've thought of that. 1460 01:14:51,560 --> 01:14:52,880 A needle and thread? 1461 01:14:52,960 --> 01:14:54,888 That's it. As soon as it gets dark, we nip 1462 01:14:54,889 --> 01:14:56,636 out and sew their tent flaps together. 1463 01:15:29,840 --> 01:15:30,840 Dr Soaper. 1464 01:15:31,880 --> 01:15:33,678 Yes, what is it, Matron? 1465 01:15:33,760 --> 01:15:36,719 I must see you on a personal matter. 1466 01:15:36,800 --> 01:15:38,757 Oh, I can't come out now. 1467 01:15:38,840 --> 01:15:40,991 I'll see you in the morning. 1468 01:15:42,160 --> 01:15:45,551 Very well. If you won't come out, I'll come in. 1469 01:15:45,640 --> 01:15:47,597 No. 1470 01:15:51,240 --> 01:15:53,197 Oh, no, you don't. 1471 01:15:53,280 --> 01:15:55,954 Oh, oh, oh, no. 1472 01:15:56,040 --> 01:15:59,238 No, Matron, I was just taking a short cut. 1473 01:15:59,320 --> 01:16:01,300 I don't know why, Doctor, but I have 1474 01:16:01,301 --> 01:16:03,280 a feeling you're trying to avoid me. 1475 01:16:03,360 --> 01:16:05,317 Oh, no. Whatever gave you that idea? 1476 01:16:05,400 --> 01:16:07,636 But you shouldn't be in here, you know. 1477 01:16:07,637 --> 01:16:09,872 Think of the girls. They need watching. 1478 01:16:09,960 --> 01:16:12,634 - Oh, to hell with the girls. - To hell with the gir... Matron. 1479 01:16:12,720 --> 01:16:16,053 I can't help it. It's not fair to ignore a woman 1480 01:16:16,054 --> 01:16:18,910 after you've aroused her dormant passion. 1481 01:16:19,000 --> 01:16:22,755 But I've not aroused your doormat ration... your dormant passion. 1482 01:16:22,960 --> 01:16:24,713 Oh, but you have. 1483 01:16:24,800 --> 01:16:28,237 All my life I've been like an unused clockwork toy, 1484 01:16:28,320 --> 01:16:30,676 and then that night at the hostel you wound me up. 1485 01:16:30,760 --> 01:16:31,995 Now you must start me. 1486 01:16:31,996 --> 01:16:34,310 Oh, I couldn't. I might bust your spring. 1487 01:16:36,880 --> 01:16:38,884 Here, you want to see what's going on in 1488 01:16:38,885 --> 01:16:40,840 the next field. Some sort of a rave-up. 1489 01:16:40,920 --> 01:16:41,920 Really? 1490 01:16:41,921 --> 01:16:43,879 Yes. Come on. It's going to go on all night. 1491 01:16:43,960 --> 01:16:45,917 All night? What about the old hag? 1492 01:16:46,000 --> 01:16:48,276 Don't worry about her. She's in with old Soaper. 1493 01:16:48,360 --> 01:16:51,432 - Oh, good. Come on, girls. - Come on. There's a rave-up. 1494 01:16:53,040 --> 01:16:55,430 Quick. 1495 01:16:55,520 --> 01:16:57,477 Ooh. 1496 01:17:13,640 --> 01:17:15,120 Ooh-ooh. 1497 01:17:27,480 --> 01:17:29,437 What time is it now, Sid? 1498 01:17:29,520 --> 01:17:32,399 Oh, blimey, it's only eight o'clock. Will you relax? 1499 01:17:32,480 --> 01:17:35,279 Eight o'clock? Another two hours to wait. 1500 01:17:36,320 --> 01:17:38,551 I'll be worn out by the time they get here. 1501 01:17:41,200 --> 01:17:42,759 Oh. 1502 01:17:42,840 --> 01:17:45,071 You don't know how empty my life has been. 1503 01:17:45,160 --> 01:17:47,720 Before I came to your school, I was matron at a hospital. 1504 01:17:47,800 --> 01:17:49,446 There was a doctor there. He was 1505 01:17:49,447 --> 01:17:51,350 brilliant. He looked just like you. 1506 01:17:51,440 --> 01:17:54,353 I worshipped him, but he ignored it. 1507 01:17:54,440 --> 01:17:57,433 Why, whenever I show any interest in a man, do they ignore it? 1508 01:17:57,520 --> 01:17:59,477 Why? Haven't I got appeal? 1509 01:17:59,560 --> 01:18:02,029 Yes, but so's a banana and I don't even want that. 1510 01:18:02,120 --> 01:18:04,271 But I feel you're different, Doctor. 1511 01:18:04,360 --> 01:18:06,113 Don't you feel something? 1512 01:18:06,200 --> 01:18:08,351 No. I believe in keeping my hands to myself. 1513 01:18:08,440 --> 01:18:11,911 But that night in the hostel, you showed me your true feelings. 1514 01:18:12,000 --> 01:18:14,720 Now I beg you, let me show you mine. 1515 01:18:14,800 --> 01:18:17,440 - But I don't want to see yours. - Don't fight it. 1516 01:18:17,520 --> 01:18:19,955 Oh, help. Someone, help. 1517 01:18:20,040 --> 01:18:21,613 What's that? What's going on? 1518 01:18:21,614 --> 01:18:23,795 I don't know, but thank heavens for it. 1519 01:18:38,240 --> 01:18:40,197 It's in the next field. 1520 01:19:09,160 --> 01:19:11,994 Matron, they've got our girls in there. 1521 01:19:12,080 --> 01:19:13,480 Oh. 1522 01:19:21,280 --> 01:19:23,237 Stop it. Stop it. Stop it, I say. 1523 01:19:23,320 --> 01:19:25,391 Stop it. Come along, Barbara. Stop it. 1524 01:19:25,480 --> 01:19:28,154 Get back to your tent at once. You've got no right to be here. 1525 01:19:28,240 --> 01:19:30,353 Come along. I'm not having any of this. 1526 01:19:30,354 --> 01:19:31,711 We're only dancing, sir. 1527 01:19:31,800 --> 01:19:33,331 Come along. Get back to your tent. 1528 01:19:33,332 --> 01:19:34,998 How dare you behave in this manner. 1529 01:19:35,080 --> 01:19:37,651 It's not my fault. It's Farmer Giles's field 1530 01:19:37,652 --> 01:19:40,280 and he's given permission for them to use it. 1531 01:19:40,360 --> 01:19:42,556 But we can't stand that row all night. 1532 01:19:42,640 --> 01:19:44,233 How are we going to get any sleep? 1533 01:19:44,320 --> 01:19:47,597 From what I hear, you wasn't reckoning on doing much sleeping. 1534 01:19:47,680 --> 01:19:49,866 The point is, what are we going to do about 1535 01:19:49,867 --> 01:19:52,152 it? I can't have my wife upset by that noise. 1536 01:19:52,240 --> 01:19:55,153 You think she's upset? You should see what it's done to my hens. 1537 01:19:55,240 --> 01:19:56,674 I couldn't care less about them. 1538 01:19:56,760 --> 01:19:58,319 Never mind your blooming hens. 1539 01:19:58,400 --> 01:20:00,459 Look, just a minute. If you really want to get 1540 01:20:00,460 --> 01:20:02,474 rid of them, I think I know how we can do it. 1541 01:20:02,560 --> 01:20:05,234 The girls are all back now, Doctor. How are you feeling? 1542 01:20:05,320 --> 01:20:08,074 I'm all right. I'm just a bit shaken up, that's all. 1543 01:22:16,680 --> 01:22:18,637 Come on. 1544 01:22:21,560 --> 01:22:22,835 They're going. 1545 01:22:27,120 --> 01:22:29,635 Here, Bernie, we can get on with that party of ours now. 1546 01:22:31,880 --> 01:22:35,317 That'll teach them. I wish the girls could see this now, Matron. 1547 01:22:38,600 --> 01:22:41,877 The girls are in that truck. Stop. Stop, I say. 1548 01:22:44,960 --> 01:22:46,917 Hey, they've taken all the girls. 1549 01:22:47,000 --> 01:22:48,992 - What, all of 'em? - Every flaming one. 1550 01:22:53,040 --> 01:22:55,077 Quickly, Matron, we must go after them. 1551 01:22:56,160 --> 01:22:57,719 Whoo-hoo. 1552 01:22:57,800 --> 01:23:00,076 Peter, look, they've stolen our tandem. 1553 01:23:01,160 --> 01:23:03,072 Stop. Come back, I say. 1554 01:23:03,160 --> 01:23:05,550 Stop. I'll report you to the board. 1555 01:23:05,640 --> 01:23:07,757 Stop. Do you hear? 1556 01:23:07,840 --> 01:23:08,840 - Good. - What? 1557 01:23:08,880 --> 01:23:11,156 We won't need it when we go to Monte Carlo next year. 1558 01:23:11,240 --> 01:23:12,720 - Monte Carlo? - That's right. 1559 01:23:12,800 --> 01:23:15,440 We'll go on the ferry... with all the camping equipment. 1560 01:23:15,520 --> 01:23:17,079 Oh, what a good idea. 1561 01:23:17,160 --> 01:23:18,828 And when we're halfway across, we'll 1562 01:23:18,829 --> 01:23:20,676 dump the whole damned lot over the side. 1563 01:23:20,760 --> 01:23:22,717 Oh, Peter. 1564 01:23:22,800 --> 01:23:24,757 Anything you say, darling. 1565 01:23:27,000 --> 01:23:30,391 - Oh, well, there goes our party. - What party? 1566 01:23:30,480 --> 01:23:32,870 Babs and Fanny were coming over to our tent and... 1567 01:23:32,960 --> 01:23:34,394 Big mouth. 1568 01:23:34,480 --> 01:23:36,707 Well, I don't know what you're bothering 1569 01:23:36,708 --> 01:23:38,554 with them for when you've got us. 1570 01:23:38,640 --> 01:23:40,393 You mean, you'll let me... 1571 01:23:40,480 --> 01:23:43,837 Unless, of course, we don't appeal to you in that way. 1572 01:23:45,760 --> 01:23:47,717 Let's go to your tent. 1573 01:23:47,800 --> 01:23:49,757 Come on. 1574 01:23:56,160 --> 01:23:58,436 You're not going to be sick again, are you? 1575 01:23:58,520 --> 01:24:00,477 Only if you stop that. 1576 01:24:00,560 --> 01:24:02,153 Oh, Bernie. 1577 01:24:03,720 --> 01:24:05,677 Coo-ee. 1578 01:24:05,760 --> 01:24:07,877 Coo-ee. 1579 01:24:07,960 --> 01:24:09,917 - Oh, no. - Oh, my Gawd. 1580 01:24:10,000 --> 01:24:12,276 Oh, Anth. 1581 01:24:15,080 --> 01:24:16,874 I've been so worried about you, I thought 1582 01:24:16,875 --> 01:24:18,710 I'd better come and keep an eye on things. 1583 01:24:18,800 --> 01:24:21,031 - Very thoughtful. - Hello, Mother. 1584 01:24:22,160 --> 01:24:24,259 Well. Aren't you going to ask me in? 1585 01:24:24,260 --> 01:24:25,260 Look. 1586 01:24:25,261 --> 01:24:27,350 Ah. 1587 01:24:27,440 --> 01:24:29,159 Oh, Gawd. 1588 01:24:31,720 --> 01:24:33,677 Oh, dear, the ram's loose. 1589 01:24:36,760 --> 01:24:38,717 That's not the only one.